I just have to say this: 我终于排毒了!!! Haha.

Finally. Only one who has gone through the same agony will understand how I feel.

I can finally eat with relish once more.

I have not had a proper toilet session for almost a week now. Just can...not go... URGH! Talk about agony.

Thought-flash: my body is not the only thing having constipation. I think I have been playing great pretender for a while on some issues. Hee. Ah well, I can count off the top of my head a list of things I need to do but I am just such a procrastinator. Oh well. At least I am a happy-go-lucky procrastinator. I think. Kekeke.

On another note, what I thought was some cool-off time for all turned out to be a pretty big mistake on my part. I figured it will be easier to reconcile when defences are less obstructive but then maybe striking while the iron is hot is preferable to some.

I have been re-reading what I write before I post each time but I guess somehow I always come off sounding sacarstic and hypocritical (???!!!). But I do mean my apology and I am sincere in moving on cordially, if nothing else.

I am just not good at face-to-face reconciliation or negotiation or whatever you call it.

I am hurting too.

But if my friendship is deemed poisonous and destructive to you then it is your right and decision to leave.

Life is about choices. I do wish all well. Sincerely.

I just came home from a dinner with my colleagues and some just-resigned-only-colleagues-for-a-while-people. It was quite fun. We went after the exhibition at Suntec. Boy, I think I imprinted a whole new impression of myself in their mind tonight. Some of them already knew I can eat alot. But they did not know just HOW much I could stomach. We went for a steamboat buffet and I was the last girl standing (literally). Even the bigger guys have all stopped waaayyy before I did. And I only stopped because there was nothing left I wanted to eat but yet I had yet to feel full. Haha. In the end, it was the two glasses of lime juice that filled my tummy, not the food. They were all horrified and impressed at the same time. Haha...

After dinner, I went down to Siglap for coffee and desserts with two of the guys who were meeting their friends. A very nice and friendly couple. We laughed alot, telling each other lame and corny jokes and trying to outdo one another.

I came home and was relating the day's events to my sister and she remarked that I seemed to enjoy my new company and colleagues very much, which is true. They are fun-loving people who have a good balance of work and fun.

I took some photos of the dinner. Will upload it tomorrow.

I have been laughing the whole day. Hope this kind of diffuses the stress at work a little. Hee.

You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic Jean Grey 75% Storm 65% Rogue 65% Wolverine 55% Cyclops 50% Beast 50% Colossus 50% Emma Frost 45% Iceman 40% Nightcrawler 40% Gambit 35% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

My new job is soooooo busy. I am soooooooooo tired. But I am enjoying my time at work and with my colleagues. We are having an exhibition this week. I am so tired. If only I had more preparation time in the first place perhaps I would feel better about myself and my work.

On another note, I came to realise today just how much I loved my previous job and how it has become second nature to me to do the work I do there. Haha. It is where I feel most capable or, like they say, second nature to one. I could plan and market and visualise the things I need to do and can do whereas for my new job I felt as if I was back in school learning and this is my internship period. Well, as I told my boss yesterday, it is a huge learning curve. Good thing is I do enjoy learning here.

Life is so full of ironies is it not? In the past two weeks I found out things I never even considered possible in the past and once more I find comments and 'advice' strewn along my way whether it is warranted or asked or not. Huh. Humans are always better at commenting and advising than they are reflecting I suppose. However, I do appreciate some of the feedback and revelations nonetheless. Gave me a whole new perspective of how people think and how people behave.

Another long day tomorrow. Got to sleep now.

Well, actually this thought flashed my mind. I think none of my previous group of close friends are reading this blog anymore, after all that has happened. When I go to their blogs, it does pinch a little to know that some of them have taken me off their list of friends. Like I have said before and I say again, I never wrote off any one as my friend. Another thought is this, to every single one of them in the group, maybe all they have lost is a friend they thought worthless and good riddance and all each one lost is a friend they no longer care much for.

To me, I lost a whole group of people I have come to care very much for and love the past ten years. I may not have shown them the love I felt for them all these years but it is only because I do not know how. If my show of concern was misinterpreted as something else, if my kind of character rubbed off anyone the wrong way, I am sorry to have hurt them.

I know very probably my name is almost never brought up now, or it could be mentioned with the accompaniment of a expulsion of oral fluid, or maybe some just prefer to pretend I was never part of their lives the past ten years. When I go reading their writings, which I do daily, I wished I could pick up the phone and say, 'hey, how's it going?'. There are some I have the urge to call by default when I feel down or lonely or stressed, and there are some I could feel their heartache for and wanted to show my comfort. But in the first place, I guess it will be awkward. In the second place, I am not too sure I am wanted anywhere near them in any way.

I am hurting just as well. I am the one being accused and ostracised here. I would like some sympathy and friendship too.

But I am thinking if friends you thought knew you very well is misunderstanding you so badly and abandoning you, what is friendship all about?

Talk about self-reflection and self-realisation.

Irony of life.

Mine.

I'm back.

Haha. Because I tried another provider and it was too confusing for me to navigate around, although it has alot more features. However, I'm the kind of gal who is at a lost in big bookshops and supermarkets for what to buy. Or maybe I am just too comforted by the familiar. I'm not one who really likes changes in things that are close to me, although I'm all for exciting changes for the better. Conflicting? You bet. I'm not quite sure what I am.

In fact, I have been feeling quite uncertain of myself the past few days. Never felt more insecure and inept when it comes to work. This morning, I was even contemplating throwing in the towel and was all ready to start looking for a new job. A short chat with a mentor delayed me a little and got me thinking perhaps I was too harsh on myself. IT is after all, only a week into my job.

I guess the insecurities came in a few ways; one being I was suddenly expected to do what I had never done before, and that was my role as a PA. I have never felt more guilty in my life before now that I have to make milo for my boss every morning when I don't even do that for my parents. Told my mum maybe I should start waking up a little earlier to make them breakfast to alleviate my guilt; haha. On top of that, I had to fit in the role of an office administrator (read: office auntie). So suddenly, it was my RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that the pantry is filled and cleaned and the rubbish emptied etc., etc.. Lastly, I felt that the person I replaced have ingrained her presence very well in the office and it seemed like I have very big shoes to fill. This is hard when I'm not even familiar with the products and industry I'm supposed to market. Sigh. Then like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere, I was in the shower when it suddenly hit me that the reason I am feeling so stressed is because for the first time, the general good performance of my employer's business is dependant on me! At the Home, although I had to work hard at fundraising, still I will not get grilled if I don't hit the target amount. Whatever I can bring in is good. Now, I have to justify every marketing penny with the returns. So, stress or not?

Besides, I like my new company and the 'company'. All bubbly and energetic. We have a weekly session of games (any games/sports), a time for us to bond outside of office hours. On top of that, many of them arrange activities together on the weekends as well. Like tonight, they arranged to go for dinner together, even those on leave will make an effort to join in. I like that kind of camaderie and spirit. They call the officeplace 'family'. Cool.

I plan to start a blog for them too, chronicling all the activities and candid shots. Once I figure out what to name the blog. Haha.

I have closed this blog. To access the new site, please click here.



I have reached the end of my journey for this chapter of my life. Please join me as I embark on my new life chapter.

Some last pictures to post for the National Day. Then I will close this blog and start a new one. Looking back, it had been slightly over a year since I started writing and despite my initial misgivings, I was persuaded by a friend to start this, 'as a way for friends to communicate'. Who would have even imagined that one day what I write about how I feel and think will have such backlash.

Huh.


The whole nation was out on National Day. Or so it seems.


Love in the sunset...


Speak out!


The patient wait for the evening's highlight.


Wah.


Wow!

I spent Monday and Tuesday with my family; mostly my parents. On Monday the family and Ah Ma had porridge lunch buffet at the convention centre. Then we went to watch 'Seven Swords'. As the credits were rolling at the end of the show, we saw the name of this Eurasian actor who has a brother also acting in Hollywood, and who has the same first and last names as a world-famous photographer from Singapore, but we did not see him at all. So Mummy and I were musing when was it we blinked and missed him. Turned out he got snipped off. We realised that when we saw the character he was supposed to play, but that character did not appear at all. In trying to figure out if Ah Ma understood the film I asked her if the show was nice and she said yes. I probed further to make sure she REALLY understood the show and asked who she saw in the movie. Mummy and I burst out laughing on the spot when she said 'Liu De Hua'. Now, there is 'Li Ming' in the show, but no 'Liu De Hua' anywhere in sight. We decided Ah Ma just called every actor 'Liu De Hua' because that is the one she knows best. Soometimes I really wished I can be like her, simplify everything in life and only remember to laugh. Blink and everything is over. No need to feel sad or lost. Live in the moment, literally. Sweet old lady.


Daddy trying to act cute on the kiddy ride. Haha.


A nostalgic shot for Ah Ma.

On Tuesday, deciding to watch the fireworks by the bay at night, my parents suggested going to the Marina area. So we drove there and parked at one of the neighbouring hotels. And then we walked, seeing it was only early evening and plenty of time before the fireworks start. We started the the mall after dinner at its foodcourt. Then we walked to Chinatown. For dessert. Yes you read correctly. The three of us, my parents and I, walked from the Marina area to Chinatown. And after dessert, we walked back to the quay to catch the display. We walked alot yesterday.

Haha. But it was quite fun actually. I asked Mummy what if I got lost in the crowd. She told me to stay put and they will come looking for me. Exactly the words she said to me when I was young. But I know now she will not be looking for me. She will just expect me to make my own way home. Which was exactly what I wailed back to her. Hahahaha... There were so many people out at the same time. I almost felt stifled. Really do not like the feeling. Told Mummy let us not come out again on a public holiday, with the rest of Singapore.

More pictures on that later.

I am writing from my new office desk. No pictures today yet because I did not bring my camera today. Well, better view than previously in terms of height but while my balcony opened up to lush greenery before now, all I see are buildings, buildings and more buildings. But they are office buildings.Which gives me a sense of having returned to civilisation. Heh.

I got my own laptop. But its keyboard is so stiff, I am feeling so constipated typing on it. But better not complain, as I heard from my predecessor this morning mine is the best system in the company. But I think it needs time to warm up to me because it is running so slowly. Haha.

Feeling a little out of place and lightheaded all day because for once in my working life, I am not sure what I am supposed to do. *blur* *blink blink* And slightly stupid too as I still need time to pick up all the technical IT terms and get comfortable in my shoes of talking prices with vendors and suppliers as well as making milo for my boss every morning.

Got to go. Meeting!

Ok I did not get to upload all the pictures yesterday, got tired after two hours of trying...

Here are the rest:


SPLASH & SHIVER


'Drowned chicken me'


Good things must share! Especially when one is soaked in baby foam...

Heh.

Ok, the close of one chapter and the opening of another. Thank you for all the fellowship and learning.

Well, it was a cold day with heavy downpour in the morning and cold winds in the afternoon, even after the rain has stopped.

It was also the day I had ordered some teatime snacks for my workplace colleagues to say bye to them. Haha, yes it was weird that I had to 'organise' my own farewell but it was ok, at least I can say who I want to invite and who I would rather not. In any case, I did invite EVERYBODY to come join in ok. Even those whom I felt had betrayed my trust and friendship in them. And that irritating girl I really do not like. But they chose not to turn up ok. Not that I left them out, perhaps as one of my other colleagues pointed out they could be feeling guilty. Haha, but I doubt so. I think they would just rather not cross paths with me thereafter. Petty.

So we had food, and THEN they had fun. At my expense. And my dear and very own BLOOD brother just let them, sitting in a corner, having his laughs and taking it down on camera for all to remember. Sheesh. So while you cannot be present at the time of crime, do enjoy laughing at the pictures below.


Yum yum!


Saying bye...


The Accomplice


Getting suspicious


The calm before the storm, literally...


One last valiant attempt to stay dry in the winds...

Remember that aching jaw of mine? Well, it had gone on for almost two weeks now and yesterday morning, it was bad enough to bring on a heavy thudding head in the morning. So I decided to take the day off and sleep in a little, reply some emails that had been sitting around, and the go see a doctor and see if I am coming up with mumps. I do not want to be down with any illness prior to starting my new job. I have wasted enough time as it is, serving my notice at the current and soon-to-be-ex workplace.

Anyway, saw the doctor yesterday and he said I was very stiff in my shoulders and neck too and that throbbing jaw is due to muscle spasms, brought on mostly because of stress, generally work stress for most people. So I giggled and told him that I have been pretty laxed at work the past month waiting to end my contract and start my new job, so what stress?! He then concluded that it must have been the accumulated stress venting out now. Prescribed some muscle relaxants for me and told me to take painkillers when it gets too painful to bear.

Just this evening, I told my parents what the doctor said yesterday and my father snorted. Then he said it must be because I am 'heaty'. Haha. Now I know many people who will snort at THAT as well. 'What do you mean heaty? Are you burning up and out? So what happens when you are cool instead' Haha, ok I get your dig at me. So anyway, after dinner at the hawker's with my parents I came home, got showered and went down to my mum and asked her to massage my sore shoulders a little. Half an hour later I tried opening my mouth a bit and hey! it does not hurt as much anymore. I told my mum to go on for a while more and I could feel my shoulders loosening up more and my jaw hurting less.

Ha. So much for doctors and fathers. Mummy knows best. Yeah. *v-sign up*

Today, or rather last night, I made two of my cheesecakes - one lemon flavoured and the other strawberry-covered, and brought it to work today. Everyone loved it. The accountant was remarking:'note I said it was 'good', not just 'not bad''. Haha, ok noted. Thank you for enjoying my cakes so much. Most loved the strawberry-covered one, although it was the first time I had done it and I did not trial it on my family before. Hehe, guess the fragrance of the strawberries really enhanced the flavour of the cake.

My soon-to-be boss called me today, turned out that we will be participating in a trade exhibition towards the end of the month and he wanted me to be involved. Emailed me the correspondence between him and the other relevant parties so as to give me an idea and 'feel' of what is happening. Well, I have been trying to read up a bit on the services and nature of my new work industry and job nature. It will not be easy, but it sure is challenging.

Waiting in anticipation and trepidation. Hee.