I am beginning to believe that being in love is too much of a hassle and pain. Not pain in the butt pain. But pain in the heart ache.
Maybe I am getting cynical. Or just tired of waiting and wondering.
Besides, the lack of dates; proper, legitimate, qualified dates, have made me start thinking and imagining what a bother it is to get to know someone all over again, put yourself out there to be tested and hurt and involved all over again. And at the end it might not account to anything.
Bother! Maybe as a friend said, if and when I get rich, I'll start keeping toyboys. Haha. It's beginning to sound quite enticing. Especially as one starts sliding down the wrong side of 30.
Monday, October 27, 2008
How do you judge self-worth? I think often people judge it by the number of friends you have, the kind of career you have, and the love and support you get from your family.
Some may say self-worth comes from within and is hard to quantify. You just have to love yourself to have it. Others will say you just have it, it's only recognising you have it and embracing it.
Sometimes, I think it is about how willing people are to fight for you and care for you, to determine if you are worth anything.
That is so sad.
Because while you may have people caring for you, in varying degrees, you may not have anyone willing to fight for you. Because you are not worth it.
Some may say self-worth comes from within and is hard to quantify. You just have to love yourself to have it. Others will say you just have it, it's only recognising you have it and embracing it.
Sometimes, I think it is about how willing people are to fight for you and care for you, to determine if you are worth anything.
That is so sad.
Because while you may have people caring for you, in varying degrees, you may not have anyone willing to fight for you. Because you are not worth it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
My phone rang early this morning, on the new line I installed in my room.
In my sleepy haze my mind went to one person: grandma. Before she learnt to dial us on our mobiles, my phone at home will always ring early in the morning. Almost daily grandma will call to remind us one thing, or to instruct us another. The timing was to catch us before we left the house for the day.
It has been over 6 months now but I still miss her. Sometimes more terribly than usual. Mostly at nights before my eyes close. I miss her for the times we had and the love she gave. And I miss her for the things I did not get to do for her, with her.
Grandma has always been my most favourite and most loved person, and this has not changed.
In my sleepy haze my mind went to one person: grandma. Before she learnt to dial us on our mobiles, my phone at home will always ring early in the morning. Almost daily grandma will call to remind us one thing, or to instruct us another. The timing was to catch us before we left the house for the day.
It has been over 6 months now but I still miss her. Sometimes more terribly than usual. Mostly at nights before my eyes close. I miss her for the times we had and the love she gave. And I miss her for the things I did not get to do for her, with her.
Grandma has always been my most favourite and most loved person, and this has not changed.