Well, actually this thought flashed my mind. I think none of my previous group of close friends are reading this blog anymore, after all that has happened. When I go to their blogs, it does pinch a little to know that some of them have taken me off their list of friends. Like I have said before and I say again, I never wrote off any one as my friend. Another thought is this, to every single one of them in the group, maybe all they have lost is a friend they thought worthless and good riddance and all each one lost is a friend they no longer care much for.

To me, I lost a whole group of people I have come to care very much for and love the past ten years. I may not have shown them the love I felt for them all these years but it is only because I do not know how. If my show of concern was misinterpreted as something else, if my kind of character rubbed off anyone the wrong way, I am sorry to have hurt them.

I know very probably my name is almost never brought up now, or it could be mentioned with the accompaniment of a expulsion of oral fluid, or maybe some just prefer to pretend I was never part of their lives the past ten years. When I go reading their writings, which I do daily, I wished I could pick up the phone and say, 'hey, how's it going?'. There are some I have the urge to call by default when I feel down or lonely or stressed, and there are some I could feel their heartache for and wanted to show my comfort. But in the first place, I guess it will be awkward. In the second place, I am not too sure I am wanted anywhere near them in any way.

I am hurting just as well. I am the one being accused and ostracised here. I would like some sympathy and friendship too.

But I am thinking if friends you thought knew you very well is misunderstanding you so badly and abandoning you, what is friendship all about?

Talk about self-reflection and self-realisation.

Irony of life.

Mine.