Perhaps the best thing doing all these online quizzes and tests and then publishing them on one's blog is having someone (or thing) compile the analyses that make you who you are to your friends to help them understand you better so they can accommodate and accept the things you do and the decisions you make.

Then again, you need friends in the first place to read them and be willing to accept you as you are.

It is beginning to seem like the friends you used to hold closest and dearest to may not be able to withstand the erosion of time and work. What more distance?

Or perhaps at the end of the day it is just me...

Whatever the case, the time has come to let go of many things; I will no longer bother myself with looking for someone special, or trying to make time for friends. Because frequently I feel I am the only one bothered. Maybe one really does not need that many friends, if any at all.

I am really done at work. After this Sunday's event, I will get ready to pack up and leave. You will not be able to imagine the number of arrows I have been getting from the higher management, simply because A) they secretly disagree with one another; B) they forgot their own decisions/instructions; and C) they decisions/instructions/results were not well received by the rest and so they pretend it had nothing to do with them.

So what happens? I bear the brunt of course. Getting the blame from all over and having to explain myself endlessly repeatedly, and still having to concede it was all my fault. What bull is this?

I am very tired of being the scapegoat around the place. Why should I be the sacrificial lamb in their tussles amongst one another. If I wanted to be involved, believe me I will stand up as a member, not as a staff.

Pray I never join as member and return to haunt those cowards and pretenders.

INFP - the Healer You scored 45% I to E, 21% N to S, 47% F to T, and 52% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type. As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFP

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 41% on I to E You scored higher than 15% on N to S You scored higher than 71% on F to T You scored higher than 61% on J to P

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid

Your EQ is 133 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)? Exactly what I thought, only the big losers cannot take what I have to say... Haha... You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince) (You are more dramatic than 50% of the population.) You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments. You know how to steal the spotlight... And how to act out to get your way. People around you know that you're good for a laugh. But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone. Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention. Are You a Drama Queen (or King)? Oops, was I that loud? Hee... Your Love Number is 1 You tend to be a stubborn lover, holding your ground in every argument You take your time falling in love. You aren't the type to lose perspective. You are loyal (to a fault), and you require the same loyalty in your sweetheart. At your best, you are a wise and inspiring partner - who sticks around. What Is Your Love Number? So is that a good number? You Have Fantastic Karma You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person. And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already. But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway. You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that! How's Your Karma? I am not that great. I have no money to lend... You Are Very Honest You tell it like it is, no matter what. Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out. And while some may get hurt by your honesty... At least everyone knows where you stand! How Honest Are You? Does this say anything about my honesty and integrity? Well I suppose for those who have decided what I am then this result is no point to them. Your Life Path Number Is 22 22 The Life Path 22 is the higher of the two master number, and the most powerful of all the Life Path numbers. As such, it is also the most difficult to live up to and fulfill. The 22 individual in endowed with many powers from within and they can reach any heights in life. A truly positive Life Path 22 person, equipped with a suitable education, can be a master builder in society. An idealistic nature is grounded in practical terms, allowing you to conceive grandiose, far-reaching schemes and carry them through to the end. If you desire and are willing to work for it, you can achieve enormous success, prestige, and fame. Obviously, everyone with this Life Path does not become famous, but you may have realized early in life that you have the capacity to accomplish a great deal with relatively little effort. Several Life Path number possess special spiritual understanding, however, the 22 is unique in that this path has great understanding, but also the ability to apply knowledge in a practical way. There is purpose to your life and you view your tasks and obligations in a very emotionally controlled and determined way. Really negative 22 people are very rare. When they do show up, there power is similar to positive 22, but motivations are in a negative vein and they are very dictatorial, insensitive, and overbearing. The majority of 22 people fall into an average category who still have sufficient ability to reach great heights within their chosen fields. The ability to control emotion may help in the business world. This is a powerful Life Path, both for the material gain it can bring and for the higher good that is often achieved for mankind. What Is Your Life Path Number? This seems really insightful and accurate. Except I feel I was born a pessimist but a made optimist.Hmm... Big things my way huh... You Are Best Described By... Jeune Fille Vert By Tamara De Lempicka What Famous Work of Art Are You? Ha, at least a modern piece of work most people know... Your Love Style is Agape You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love. What's Your Love Style? Hey, if it is the most rare then I should have poeple dying to be loved by me right? Why can't I find anyone? > American Cities That Best Fit You: 80% Miami 65% Honolulu 60% San Diego 55% Austin 55% Las Vegas Which American Cities Best Fit You? Now I know where to head when I want to move out. Cool. Your Irish Name Is... Jade Daly What's your Irish Name? Something new to call me; other than 'bitch'. Haha. Your Inner European is Italian! Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is. Who's Your Inner European? Well, at least here's somebody I do not mind being. I am seriously under the impression that perhaps all started with me. I was, and am, the antagonist in all my unhappy situations. That I had somehow created myself. I am sounding like a angst-filled vengeful individual who has lost all sense of reason. Maybe I have. In any case, I never asked for pity or helping hand, no one ever offered me anyway. God used to give comfort. Now? I find myself more comforting. You Have A Type A Personality A You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success Do You Have a Type A Personality? Thursday, April 28, 2005 Sometimes I wonder why one needs friends? When I really want to talk to someone or have someone show me a little concern I cannot seem to find a 'friend' who is willing to listen. It is not even as if I am just sitting in a corner waiting for someone to call. The sad truth is even after I pick up the phone, no one is interested to listen. But if I have gossip to share perhaps things will be different then. Granted, each of us has our own lives to lead and problems to solve. But I am not asking for help. Only a listening ear. I believe I never turned anyone away when they needed a shoulder to lean on. Or maybe mine are too small for their comfort. In any case, I am beginning to think no one wants to hear what I have to say anyway. What for? They have already made up their own minds about what is up with me anyway. They do not need my verification or clarification. Never mind I never denied anything. But please note I never admitted anything either. Does this equal confession? So silence is no longer golden, but admission by default. Ha. Ok, lesson learnt. By the way, if I spoke up and said what you want to hear would you believe me? The verdict is already out is it not? Then what is the point of me defending myself? I always believed that time will tell the truth and that the innocent stands untarnished. Besides the more I tried to explain myself, the more likely one will think I am being defensive. So, perhaps it suits me fine that I work myself to oblivion and death. Just work and toil each day till I finally drop dead. Who cares? I certainly do not anymore. Therefore do not bother to ask me what is wrong. Oh! Wait, perhaps you never intended to in the first place. After all, the problem is mine not yours; you have your own to solve. Sheesh, and some wonder why I wish so much to find a partner. Desperate? Not in that sense. But it would be nice to have someone I can call whenever I feel upset and have him really care and comfort me. People always say I must have been choosy to still be single. But do they know I was actually dumped and not the other way round? If I had the mind to choose would I have made the choice I did? I must have forgotten my grey matter that day when deciding then... Know what? Fuck the world and the people around me. Then again, perhaps I am the only one reading my writing. Pathetic. Sunday, April 24, 2005 Just came home from dinner with my family and grandma at the neighbourhood coffeeshop. For some funny reason, I was almost totally quiet throughout dinner. I just sat and ate. Then on the way home in the car, I kind of snapped at my grandma for making a fuss about my brother seeing her to her doorstep. Then while waiting for my brother to get back down, my dad played this totally awful bass-thumping music in the car at a horrendous volume. And he thinks he is being cool! Argh. I almost jumped out of the car to walk home. Still wondering at my burst of grouchiness... Anyway, I promised to tell more about my work. In a nutshell, I have agreed to stay on, status-quo. Yes, I know I am stupid to agree to stay on as I am; and in a way things are as I predicted: that somehow I am automatically given the role of a leader amongst the three of us and expected to watch over the other two new staff. Yet I am not recognised as such. Why did I agree to stay on then? Believe me when I say I regretted. Almost the very next day I announced my reconsideration. I guess few will believe me when I say I am actually very soft-hearted. All it takes is some persuasive acting and honey words and I am sold. Sigh. Just the other day one of them made a blooper and I was asked why did I not check her work beforehand; the thing is what right have I to ask to see her work or double-check her work when we are all the same? Why should I be responsible for her work and actions? But silly me actually lost sleep over the issue that night, trying to think of a solution for her. On top of that I had to explain to two of the directors what happened and try to salvage the situation. Yes, I am an idiot. Although with two new staff for the department my workload now should be one-third of what it used to be, however, as this is a year of major anniversary celebrations for the Home, it only means that there are many more new projects to be planned and executed for the celebrations. Just for May alone I am to oversee two projects which both have senior ministers as the guests-of honour. One is a golf charity on the Fourth and the other is a launch for the year-long's anniversary celebrations on the Fifteenth. I am beginning to feel the heat a little as so much seems to be left to be done and so little time is left. The clock is ticking away... More overtime on the horizon. The clock seems to be ticking away for something else too. Why is it they all either come at the same time or go at the same time too? How is a girl suppose to choose and decide then? So, there are two men whom I can begin to really really like. And after a short spurt of teasing and expression of interests, (by them!) both suddenly goes all quiet. One says he is busy with two upcoming events till end of this month. But Why do I feel that he is somehow avoiding me? Oversensitive? Well, but my instincts have proven to be right most times. The other is simply keeping quiet. Guess he is busy too. Ha. I am tired of being alone. I want to be with someone. Someone whom I can see often. Someone whom I can call whenever I miss him. Someone who will ask me 'what would you like to do today?', and 'where do you want to go?'... Well, one month more to go. That was the deadline I gave myself. If love does not appear by then I will not think about it anymore for the next two years or so. I shall just concentrate on my work and career. No point hoping and waiting for something that seems no where near. Waste of time and energy-sapping. Irony of my life? I still believe God is out there somewhere. But God and I are not agreeing currently. I am never one to accept things as they are being told, I always question 'why'. Not likely to stop the questioning anytime soon. Want to ask me out? I might seem weird and out of sorts. Approach at your own risk. Ha. Saturday, April 23, 2005 Tried to e-file. Something is not right. Could not get through after a dozen times. I give up... 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