Sometimes I wonder why one needs friends? When I really want to talk to someone or have someone show me a little concern I cannot seem to find a 'friend' who is willing to listen. It is not even as if I am just sitting in a corner waiting for someone to call. The sad truth is even after I pick up the phone, no one is interested to listen. But if I have gossip to share perhaps things will be different then.

Granted, each of us has our own lives to lead and problems to solve. But I am not asking for help. Only a listening ear. I believe I never turned anyone away when they needed a shoulder to lean on. Or maybe mine are too small for their comfort.

In any case, I am beginning to think no one wants to hear what I have to say anyway. What for? They have already made up their own minds about what is up with me anyway. They do not need my verification or clarification. Never mind I never denied anything. But please note I never admitted anything either. Does this equal confession? So silence is no longer golden, but admission by default. Ha. Ok, lesson learnt. By the way, if I spoke up and said what you want to hear would you believe me? The verdict is already out is it not? Then what is the point of me defending myself? I always believed that time will tell the truth and that the innocent stands untarnished. Besides the more I tried to explain myself, the more likely one will think I am being defensive.

So, perhaps it suits me fine that I work myself to oblivion and death. Just work and toil each day till I finally drop dead. Who cares? I certainly do not anymore.

Therefore do not bother to ask me what is wrong. Oh! Wait, perhaps you never intended to in the first place. After all, the problem is mine not yours; you have your own to solve.

Sheesh, and some wonder why I wish so much to find a partner. Desperate? Not in that sense. But it would be nice to have someone I can call whenever I feel upset and have him really care and comfort me. People always say I must have been choosy to still be single. But do they know I was actually dumped and not the other way round? If I had the mind to choose would I have made the choice I did? I must have forgotten my grey matter that day when deciding then...

Know what? Fuck the world and the people around me. Then again, perhaps I am the only one reading my writing.

Pathetic.