Just came home from dinner with my family and grandma at the neighbourhood coffeeshop. For some funny reason, I was almost totally quiet throughout dinner. I just sat and ate. Then on the way home in the car, I kind of snapped at my grandma for making a fuss about my brother seeing her to her doorstep. Then while waiting for my brother to get back down, my dad played this totally awful bass-thumping music in the car at a horrendous volume. And he thinks he is being cool! Argh. I almost jumped out of the car to walk home. Still wondering at my burst of grouchiness...

Anyway, I promised to tell more about my work. In a nutshell, I have agreed to stay on, status-quo. Yes, I know I am stupid to agree to stay on as I am; and in a way things are as I predicted: that somehow I am automatically given the role of a leader amongst the three of us and expected to watch over the other two new staff. Yet I am not recognised as such. Why did I agree to stay on then? Believe me when I say I regretted. Almost the very next day I announced my reconsideration. I guess few will believe me when I say I am actually very soft-hearted. All it takes is some persuasive acting and honey words and I am sold. Sigh.

Just the other day one of them made a blooper and I was asked why did I not check her work beforehand; the thing is what right have I to ask to see her work or double-check her work when we are all the same? Why should I be responsible for her work and actions? But silly me actually lost sleep over the issue that night, trying to think of a solution for her. On top of that I had to explain to two of the directors what happened and try to salvage the situation.

Yes, I am an idiot.

Although with two new staff for the department my workload now should be one-third of what it used to be, however, as this is a year of major anniversary celebrations for the Home, it only means that there are many more new projects to be planned and executed for the celebrations. Just for May alone I am to oversee two projects which both have senior ministers as the guests-of honour. One is a golf charity on the Fourth and the other is a launch for the year-long's anniversary celebrations on the Fifteenth. I am beginning to feel the heat a little as so much seems to be left to be done and so little time is left. The clock is ticking away... More overtime on the horizon.

The clock seems to be ticking away for something else too. Why is it they all either come at the same time or go at the same time too? How is a girl suppose to choose and decide then? So, there are two men whom I can begin to really really like. And after a short spurt of teasing and expression of interests, (by them!) both suddenly goes all quiet. One says he is busy with two upcoming events till end of this month. But Why do I feel that he is somehow avoiding me? Oversensitive? Well, but my instincts have proven to be right most times. The other is simply keeping quiet. Guess he is busy too. Ha.

I am tired of being alone. I want to be with someone. Someone whom I can see often. Someone whom I can call whenever I miss him. Someone who will ask me 'what would you like to do today?', and 'where do you want to go?'...

Well, one month more to go. That was the deadline I gave myself. If love does not appear by then I will not think about it anymore for the next two years or so. I shall just concentrate on my work and career. No point hoping and waiting for something that seems no where near. Waste of time and energy-sapping.

Irony of my life? I still believe God is out there somewhere. But God and I are not agreeing currently. I am never one to accept things as they are being told, I always question 'why'. Not likely to stop the questioning anytime soon.

Want to ask me out? I might seem weird and out of sorts. Approach at your own risk. Ha.