Life is sometimes so strange. God works things in His own manner and timings.

You read my previous entry saying how I am now feeling so relieved because I have finally let go of all my hurt and anger and frustrations and expectations and hopes.

That was true, but somehow along the way together with my relief, I seemed to have detected some backing down from my family. I do not know if I am right to say it is guilt or regret they are feeling but somehow it seems so, especially coming from my mother. I sense this effort on her part to 'normalise' things with me.

Which of course I am not giving in so easily or stepping down so fast. Not because I enjoy making them miserable or having the upper hand. But because if I backed down so soon things will be back to square one again. This time, I really want to put an end to this vicious cycle, one way or the other. I do not want to live like a second-citizen in my own home anymore. Really, if I cannot change you, I will leave you. That is how I want to live my life from now on if I am to have the peace in my heart I long for.

And today, out of the blue, I received an apology from my sister for having been nasty to me when she could have been nice. Again I am not out to make things difficult for her, but I do want her to realise the severity and sad plight of things.

It takes two to clap, I cannot want something on my own when it involves so many people. But if others do not want the same things I do, then what is the point in forcing it?