I'm being haunted.

The sleep was disturbed.

The last two days I once again woke up with a jump in the morning, frightened
out of my sleep by I don't know what.

And all it took was a wedding to let all the demons out. Truly, it'll be easier to slay them all if only I had hated him a little. But I really don't see the rationale in hating when he won't feel anything and I'll turn into a bitter person.

How do you forget a person? How long does it take? When will the heart stop bleeding and the tears stop flowing? When will the wounds start to close and the hurt start to heal?

What have I done wrong? What have I done to deserve this kind of zombie-like life? I've only ever loved him too much, more than I loved anyone. That was my mistake. Now I understand why God says we must love Him above everybody else, because only He can love us back in the same way and we will be guaranteed that we will never be let down or forsaken. We humans are such fools.....

All these pretences that I'm alright and happy when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry. C says I have a spilt personality. Actually I have multiple personalities.

I've decided to pack away everything to do with him. Especially the photos. It tears me apart to do this but I can't bear looking at them anymore. You might laugh, but it's especially hard when it comes to the soft toys. Because they were like the kids we wanted to have.... ha... and each one was bought for a reason and a story. Can you even imagine the turmoil a mother feels in giving up her child?

Can't work today. Came into the office and answered all my emails. That's all I've managed. Tons of work to start on but I just can't focus...

Ramble ramble.....