Just a thought for the holidays:

Is it better to have someone and yet not be able to spend the holidays with him?

Or

Is it better to have no one at all so one need not feel let down?

Christmases is sometimes a lonely time for many.

Happy holidays.

Guess what someone calls me? Haha...

You Are A: Puppy!

Beloved by all, puppies are energetic, playful, and loving. Your outgoing and friendly nature is part of what makes you a puppy. Known for their loyalty, puppies make great pets for young and old alike. And an innocent puppy face can melt anyone's heart!

You were almost a: Kitten or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Groundhog or a DucklingWhat Cute Animal Are You?

It is strange how some people see you as inspiring, while others just think you are a hypocrite.

It is even stranger how some people warm to you on the first meeting while some may not know you even after years.

Sometime I am at a loss too if I should continue moving forward or stop and rest my feet a little. If I should go for what I want, or just let nature take its course.

There is never a clear answer I guess. Only how right it feels to you at that moment in time.

The split second decision to go or stay.

There are a hundred and one things I can blog about. A thousand and one things are going through my mind. And just a few weighing down my heart.

Then again, sometimes I wonder why bother opening up a can of worms if people are happy the way things are and you are better off forgotten.

Perhaps it is for an attempt at self-justification or clarification. Then again, does it matter to anyone?

Christmas is coming. I hate Christmases. Always have for a long time.

And if I refuse to go church on 364 other days, I will not be a hypocrite and be found in church on Christmas morning.

It does not mean a thing to me or God.

The other night I was at this corporate function where someone asked me what I do for leisure. Usually I will just say I sleep any free time I get. But that night, the impromptu reply was that 'I volunteer'. Haha. Yep. And I enjoy myself very much. While I am not the type who is comfortable with one-on-one interaction, even while I was working at the nursing home, I do find it very meaningful doing my bit for people who really need whatever I have to give. So no, I have not learnt how to read to the elderly or feed the young, I am enjoying planning all sorts of activities to better their lives; whether it is fundraising for the poor, collecting books for the young, or simply arranging a makeover session for the old and lonely.

I have come to strongly advocate that it is not whether you can, but if you will. It does not take a lot of time or money, just a little committment once in a while. Everyone has the same number of hours in a day, it is how we choose to spend them. Granted, often people who do not volunteer because they do not how to get about it, not because they are not willing. It certainly makes everything alot more fun and persuasive if you join a group of like-minded people to get things going. I am glad that I found mine.

It is tiring no doubt, on top of the hectic work life and minimal social life. But definitely worth every bit of it. If any of you are interested just give me a call. No obligation to join but you are welcome to sit in whatever meeting or activities we have. Volunteering is not all about depressing issues and people. Often the fellowship with other volunteers are very meaningful too, not to mention enriching.

Go on, find a cause you are passionate about or always wanted to be involved in. Then ask around how you can be involved. It often is so much easier than we all think.

Be a volunteer.

I have been sneezing non-stop, but the good thing is it seems to be tailing off as it is not as numerous or violent anymore. And I am beginning to sleep better at night because I can breathe again. No more jerking awake from suffocation. Seriously.

I have been officially confirmed at my workplace, even though it was not suppose to be until February next year. Well, I have not received the letter yet but it was an official announcement at the management meeting on Monday this week. One of the older staff pointed out I am one of the rarity, since the company was started. Only one or two other people before me long, long time ago was confirmed before the probation ended.

And it comes with an increment too. Not sure how much yet. Hope it will not slip through the fingers...

Anyway, I am happy with the path my work is moving along this year. Maybe it is becoming a career. Why not?

On a side note, I am not too sure what is expected of me in some other quarters. Hey, what am I suppose to think or do if no one bothers with me? So am I in or out? If I am in is it because I squeezed my way through? If I am out, was I left out or did I opt out somehow? Why am I always expected to smile and accept whatever is thrown my way but I cannot ever express displeasure of any sort. Or I get condemned. It does get sickening.

Well, whatever. It is definitely not because I am not affected or bothered. Rather it is because I have promised myself that I will treat myself nicer this year and I will not allow anything external to affect how I feel. And I cannot remember whining so much about life this year anyway. So things must be good generally still.

I am thinking I might need to make a trip to me KL office again sometime this month but it does not seem that I have any empty slots left on the calendar. Too many things to finish before the year ends. Too many projects outside of work.

I am tired, but in a warm fuzzy sort of way. The kind you can unconsciously doze off to sleep, gently and deeply. Nice.