Work has been really hectic the past two weeks and that is why I have not made entries recently. Also, too many things have happened too fast. Before I can figure out what is happening another event has taken place and I am two steps behind in my blogging.
 
I think to pick up from where I had left off is a little too tedious, not just for the writer (moi sincerely) but also for my faithful readers (that's you). Anyway, I will summarise things:
 
I uploaded my picture on the MSN match.com profile  a few weeks ago and I have been hit by a neverending barrage of emails and requests from people ever since, mostly males of course. It came to a point where I think 'ENOUGH' and two days ago I suspended my profile. Ahh... peace. So why did I put it up in the first place? Well, I just wanted to know if I will get more responses than I had the past few months when there was no photo. Duh right? Never mind... That said, I am looking at it only as a tool to meet more people doing different things for networking purposes and also to broaden my perspectives of what I already know, or think I do. I met some decent people who are just looking for a chat only also and maybe to make friends. There are some weird ones out there too but I have blocked them from contacting me on Messenger already. I really have no intentions at all of meeting them up in person, not at this early stage anyway. And even if I do it will definitely not be just the two of us at any quiet spots. More likely we will sit at the bus-stop and talk. Haha... Safe enough right? No more getting into anybody's car! Keke.
 
Of those people I met through this means is a nice guy from NZ (or at least he is pretending to be nice to me, haha. By the way, he could be reading this too. 'Hi Sam'). I will touch on him another time. ('Hey Sam, you're only the third guy I named outright here! Aren't you feeling honoured?! Hee.') Yes, this is taking up quite a bit of time from me during the day, especially when I am rushing against the clock to get work done. Haha. Well...
 
I will not talk about my gym sessions for the time being except just to point out that Quek went down with me on Friday and, I am not sure about her but I enjoyed the time hanging out together and laughing at some of the people in the classes. Hohoho... Yes, I am very evil. Oh, by the way, she saw that trainer... the one I was interested in. Not much comments from her except that she thinks his eyes look sleepy. Yea... Ha. She met my current trainer too. The uncle one. Uncle James. Fatherly fellow, funny and irritatingly so. Feeling quite sayang-ed by him actually, because he will text me almost everyday and ask if I have eaten and how I am feeling. Well, at least he gives me the impression that I am getting my money's worth through his show of concern.
 
Work is thoroughly oppressing yet satisfying at the same time. I have never felt that there is so much to be done and that I can do but it seems just so right now. Despite feeling drained, I do feel happy also with the progress I am making, for my nursing home as well as for myself. That said, I was so tired on last Saturday that I almost cried and of course all I could think of and wanted was to be in someone's arms and be comforted like a little girl. HIS arms.
 
Yes, I still miss HIM. I often wonder when I will ever come to a point where I will stop missing HIM and if I will even notice it then. I cannot help myself but every guy that comes along inevitably gets compared to HIM and the strange thing is even if the other guy is better in every other way, I realise it is still HIM I am pining for. How does one let go of a love lost then? I really have no idea at all. I am not even certain myself what I want. Some days I think I am crazy to go on like this and I should just walk away as fast and far as I can. On other days, I just want to sit in a corner with the memories that were and convince myself that one day the wait will prove worthwhile. The rest of the time, I just try not to think at all to avoid going fully bonkers. Then again some of you might ask 'you mean you are not already?' So am I ready to meet someone else or not? Am I open to meeting someone else? Sigh... no idea also. But I think it will be really unfair to the other person. Unless he is really genuinely keen to know me and do not mind waiting or when I have put HIM away for good and am ready. Or if I am also interested enough in the new guy to want to change the status quo. 
 
Too many things are happening too fast too overwhelmingly. So many thoughts in the head and so many clashes of emotions in the heart. It is a picture of stormy seas in my head and heart. Even the soul is sometimes lost in the roars of those seas.
 
What do I want? Where do I want to go or be? I really do not know...