Still coughing. Getting worse too. *sulk*

Spent a long time writing my entry last night. Now every single word is gone. Don't know what's wrong with the connection, so volatile, keeps hanging and reconnecting. Let's see, can I recall what I wrote last night...

I said Barni bit me. Think he was too hungry. Went for my finger instead of the cabbage. Quite a bad cut, coming from such a small furry thing. Ouch.

And I also said I was out last night at MS with my brother. Was actually contemplating going home when he called. Couldn't find a movie to watch and nowhere to go. Decided to meet my brother and his friend after all. On my way to meet them I passed by 'that pub' and who should I see walking in front of me but him (the trainer lah). Talk about coincidences. He was on the phone and I decided if he is to see me he will, I will not call out to him. So I continued walking behind him and finally passed him at an arm's length, my arm's length! And still he did not see me. Blur or indifferent? Haha. Don't know. Mmm, don't really care either honestly. Not something I want to get hung up about.

My brother and his friend went into the pub with me much later anyway and although I saw him twice more I don't think he noticed me. Oh well. I'm small. Haha.

I guess what I want to say most about yesterday was the sudden change of mood that swept me up so suddenly that I couldn't even fathom why. How does a person cope when the heart goes on a roller-coaster ride without notice? One moment I'm enjoying the moment as it is, with no anger, no grief, no bitterness and no anticipation or expectation. The next I'm overwhelmed with waves of nostalgia and sadness, regret and heartbrokenness. I have come to think that once your heart has been broken enough times, the shattered pieces will be too small and too insignificant to feel any other hurt anymore, because it would have ceased to exist. What has taken over the space is only a haunting vaccumm, a gaping hole where once there was love and contentment. That's how I'm feeling nowadays, that how I am now. I'm only deterred by the persistence I have to not let it get me down. It doesn't matter anymore whether or not I meet another person, if I ever love again. If I can ever trust again. Sometimes once you have sorted it out and is able to find contentment in what you are and have, happiness follows. I guess I still believe in love and happiness.

166 days; 24 weeks; six months

152 days; 21.5 weeks; five and half months

70 days; nine weeks; two and one-quarter months

51 days; seven weeks; one and three-quarter months

Days and numbers.Yes I have been keeping track. Each and every day is a count-down. I don't know to what. Silly? I agree. But it offers some sort of perverse comfort, when I look back and am able to see at a glance how long it's taking me to start all over again. What do they mean? Only I know. Maybe some of you can guess. But you really don't need to know.

I have ceased to hope. And I no longer care.

Ramble ramble.....

Stupid, spent over an hour last night writing my entry and the internet connection hung on me. Lost every single word I wrote. Such a long entry too. *sulk*

Ramble ramble.....

Worked late again... Quite tired. Finally finished my proposal, of which I am quite proud of, seeing that it would have been a team effort even for class assignment. I really hope the sub-committee will like it and keep most of my ideas. Went over to the church next door after work. Not to pray. But to say hi to my friends hanging out there. Hmmm, was told that there is a good-looking member there. Saw him but think he's too 'kiddy' for me. Oops. Hee. But yea, kind of cute.

Got teased by a friend I've not seen in a long time. The last time I saw him was at the wedding and we didn't get to say much, no thanks to my hysterical drama display in church that day. Kekeke... Made fun of what I had said to the trainer about my 'heart condition'. Hey, it's a copyright k? Don't go using that on your interest. Make up your own. Haha...

Received my results today. Quite relieved to know that I did as well as last year and not worse, despite all that had happened and the stress I went through during school term. I had actually aimed for at least one A this term but now I'm just glad I maintained my standards. Heard that someone failed. *shudders* So worried for a moment it'd be me. How to go on to Masters like that?

Hmm... my colleagues have been teasing me non-stop these couple of days. Kept saying that one of the foreign staff is interested in me. Goodness! Now make me so awkward every time I see him. Haha, sweet man. Don't want to be nasty or hurt him. He's from Myanmar. Funny fellow, one of the clowns around the place. The other guy from Nepal (I think) also crapped that he stepped out of the 'competition' to let his friend have the chance. Ha.. ha.. ha... Asked them if they're having a good time at my expense and everyone said yes! Huh, the cheek of them.

My thoughts are like running all over the place right now, too tired to sort them out and put them into words. Hopefully the cough syrup will take effect soon, then I can just log out till tomorrow...

I highlighted my hair. Red. Nobody said nice yet... Very striking I thought, which was what I requested for... haha. Not too bad. So if you saw it let me know if you think it's nice ok?

Oh yes, before I forget. The readers of this blog are a very selected group. I really hope you will not direct anyone here without telling me. If you want to list me on your site please let me know first ok? There are only that many people I want to let in into my private world of rambles and grumbles. Kekeke.

Have I told you all I love you yet? No? Ok, 'I Love You!'

Ramble ramble.....

Sometimes a passing remark can hurt someone when you had no such intention to. 'God, please guard my mouth and words always, that I do not use the same mouth to sing your praises and hurt my friends'

Feels like all my brain juice has been used up last night. Tried to continue working on my proposal today but somehow just don't seem to be able to put my thoughts down in words. Now I'm down to the timeline only. But it's a little difficult for me to plan the schedule because the committee always prefer doing things their way at their pace, never mind they were the ones who wanted the timeline. Bah.

Brain's on strike. Blank.

Ramble ramble.....

Miss blogging. Too busy at work to write (or should I say type?) and the internet was not working for me at home the last two days, only just managed to get it going again today. Thanks Bao! Almost suffered a fit from 'internet withdrawal syndrome'. Haha.

Worked late today, didn't leave the office till almost 9pm! Dead tired, wanted to come home to continue but don't think I'll punish myself so hard. Hee. I'll continue tomorrow. Actually it feels good to work so hard and late. Didn't really mind. Only missed having someone to pick me up after that and bring me for dinner. Sigh, what I would do for a big hug... *deep breath in... exhale phoo...*

Darn. The heart still misses HIM sometimes. The past few days, I've got this nagging feeling that HE'S fallen ill. Told myself it's none of my business anymore but still can't help feeling concerned. Almost rang up HIS mum to ask if HE'S ok. Sheesh.

The trainer didn't call either. Sad.... Was down at the pub again last night but he wasn't there. Then again I was down early and I left early. Perhaps he went after I had left. Haha... Haiz. Today's the 8th day. Another 6 days more to go. I already know what I'm going to say to him when I can finally call/sms him. Haha, nope. Not going to tell any one of you what I'm going to say. Not now anyway, maybe after I've said it. Keke. Yea, I know. So far this trainer seems like bad news, in all sense of the word. But let's all be fair, we don't really know him enough to judge right? And we shouldn't be judging anyway. After all, maybe I'm the one who's only out to have a good time at the end of all these. Hee. Let's all just hang around and chill out. No sweat. I can't really go very far wrong when I have so many people looking out for me. *smiles* So far, only one friend thinks he's a 'good man'. Then again, he could be saying that just to get me off his back. He says that about every Tom, Dick and Harry that turns up. Hmmm.... luckily I've struck him off as my gatekeeper, not doing a very good job here, too indiscriminate. Hahaha....

It's almost midnight... The cough syrup makes me drowsy but it also keeps my mind running non-stop at night. Funny. Can't really sleep deeply... Sigh. Should be turning in soon. Too many late nights no good. Haha.

Thought on a tandem: Hmmm... Really beginning to like hanging out at the pub. Always something I wanted to do but never really got round to doing it till now. Ha. Next time, I'll open my own pub. But I'm going to ban smoking. I hate the stale smell of cigarette smoke in my hair, on my clothes, everywhere! I'm sure there are just as many people who don't smoke who enjoy pubbing as there are those who do smoke. Don't see why the non-smokers have to suffer in silence all the time. Sorry gal, smoke outside then come in k? Kekeke...

Oh, one more thing. I may be leaving the country for work. So far only told two persons. Don't say anything yet ok!!!? Yes, especially you. Don't go announcing it for me yet. Thank you very much. It's you, don't turn around and pretend. Hahaha... 'Will anyone of you miss me?' *shouts* Haiz. *hugs myself* I love you all. It's going to be tough when I do leave. Please, please , please, must think of me often and miss me now and then ok?

Ramble ramble.....

On MC today. Nothing serious. Just a nagging sore throat and a reluctance to get out of bed; body aching. Could have dragged myself to work but I'm too tired...

Received a call a little while ago from the gym but I missed it. Didn't recognise the number when I returned the call. Nobody knows who called. I'm not sure either if it was the sales team or the trainer who called. Waited till the line hung up. Decided not to call again or message the trainer to find out. I'll be biting my own tongue of I do right? But my heart was pitter pattering a little when I heard the receptionist say 'California Fitness Orchard'.... haha. But I'm not buying into the 'oh, it must be fate' talk either. Don't believe in such things because one, your fate has been decided by God long ago; two, you can decide your fate. It seems like a total contradiction doesn't it? But it's not. Think about it. God has decided our fate, but He also gives us the freedom of choice to choose as we want.

Had a talk with a good friend last night and told him that he's been misinterpreting some stuff he's reading on my blog. Yes, it seems as if there are two different persons around when you read my blog and hear me talk. But if you look closer and try to understand me deeper you'll see it's really the same old me. I'm not really in any kind of dilemma or too confused to figure out what's going on in my life right now or even too swept away to know what's best for myself. I am very clear of what the consequences are if I make certain choices and take certain actions. I have never been, and is certainly not now, a giggly girl easily swept up by puppy love or crushes. And I certainly do not subscribe to them. Ha. My friends from eons ago will testify to that. Kekeke...

Today while I was at the clinic, I thought of HIM and the last time HE went there with me and I got a little sad. I remembered all the sweet things HE used to do for me and how HE would always fuss over me when I say I don't feel well or show tiredness. Sigh. Please don't get the wrong idea k, I'm not grieving here. I'm just reminiscing. Hey, you would miss even a dog or cat if it went missing right? What more a guy you've loved for over two years?! Give me a break.

Whoever called, please call again. I hate not knowing. Set my heart at ease please. Sigh... haha.

Ramble ramble.....

I know I've changed. I'm doing things that I didn't used to. I'm accepting things that I didn't used to. Then again, I've often wondered before is it only because the company I used to hang out with do not do the things I'm doing now and not because I'm really biased against it.

After all, there's always a rebellious streak suppressed somewhere inside me. I know how I would have turned out if I didn't have family and friends who cared and God guiding me all these time. I know my subbornness have driven some up the wall many times and they often don't know how to convince me otherwise. Then again, I have always accepted and bore the consequences no matter good or bad because they were my decisions afterall. I never expected people to clean up my shit.

I've been thinking: I'm still loving HIM but I've chosen to let go and lock away that love and concern. It's really only going to keep me down if I remember every little thing that he likes to eat and do, every time I walk by some old haunt or see something familiar. Besides, I can't be waiting my whole life for HIM to turn back and love me again. I want to love and be loved. Being single can be a choice, but often it is chosen only because there are no better choices anyway. No one likes to be alone and live alone. Singles are always surrounded by friends and work because they don't have someone to come home and talk to. You can get used to being alone and learn not to cry at night. You can even learn not to show your loneliness and put up a stoic mask; but it doesn't mean that in the dead of the night or when all your friends have no time for you and you have too much time for yourself to start thinking about life that you don't start to yearn for someone to hold you and just listen to you talk.

God never meant for Man to live alone. God wants Man to live in a loving relationship with one another. God wants us to share his love and multiply it.

Now, to find someone who wants the same as me. Hee.

p.s. Today's my granduncle's death anniversary. I miss him. A year ago on this day I cried and HE was there to dry my eyes. Today, my eyes are dry but HE'S not there anymore.

Ramble ramble.....

1, 2, 3 Hop.

4, 5, 6 Skip.

7, 8, 9 Twirl around and round.

Sigh...

Was out with my Pretty and bro last night. Went down to MS again with them. Fact is I was not the only one who wanted to step back into 'the pub'. Unfortunately other than being packed, we couldn't find our reasons to stay on either. Headed down to N.B. and stayed there the rest of the night. Left early. Too tired.

So where did he go last night? *ponders deeply*

It's only the third day. Another 11 days more to go before I can punch in his number. Hopefully by then I'll feel so much better, surer and clearer-minded. It's terrifying to crawl out of one cesspool only to fall into another one.

I think I have this incessant need to be loved and to love, almost to the brink of being obsessive. It's not healthy. I'm just tying a noose around myself and the other person. Was that why HE left? Or is it because HE left that I now have this insane fear and insecurity? Really, honestly, I think I should stay away from men and relationships for a long long long time. I wouldn't be rational if anything happens now. $W%&Gh^F(% the trainer for appearing in my life now. Everything was just settling down nicely. Now I'm jolted out of place again.

Thought on a tandem: if he doesn't hang out there on Friday nights, then it has to mean he really deliberately brought himself down last Friday when I said I'll be down. Why? He didn't call me when he got down anyway. What's his game?

Poor Bel, all her ramblings are always about men. Mindless clueless men.

Oohhh..... I feel like I'm about to explode. Got to keep busy otherwise my fingers are gonna do their own walking to the phone and start texting him. URGH! Don't flirt with me if you are not interested in me. Wimp. Can't even follow through the flirting and teasing. All talk and no action.

1, 2, 3 Jump.

4, 5, 6 Curl.

7, 8, 9 Fall.

Ramble ramble.....

Tired.

Disappointed.

Where's he?

Not there.

Can't call him.

Shouldn't call him.

Didn't call him.

Where's he?

Miss him.

Sigh...

Ramble ramble.....

My ex-colleague from Mediacorp just called.

One of the big shot Senior Executive Producers of Chinese Dramas on Ch8.

Hee.

Singapore Idol?

Star Awards?

The Next Big Thing?

Ha.

Lunch with him next week. Yea, finally get to act with Vincent Ng.

HAHAHAHA

Hmmm... sshhh.

Ramble ramble.....

She walks down the lane.

She turns the way she wants to go.

She doesn't look the way where the bike used to be. It has slipped her mind to do so more and more.

She's at peace.

Last night I had a dream again, cannot remember what it was but remembered who was in it. And HE came nowhere near it. In fact, it was a dream about the trainer. Haha, probably because I saw him last night.

No, I did not date him. I was out with my babe and her friends in MS and he happened to be there too. (OK confession time: when my friend asked me to head there I did wonder if he'll be there too and it was partly because I had hoped to see him that I went. Oops. Hee.) Anyway, spotted him but kept my distance and presence from him. Until we went over to the club next door and he walked by me. I decided I should just say hi so I reached out to touch his arm. He was surprised to see me. (Told him before that I'm not the clubbing sort. Haha. )Anyway, thereafter I did keep away from him, always pretending not to see him but always observing him from the corner of my eye. In fact, he was always the one who called or reached out to me when I walk past. Hee. Only gave him a smile each time. Then, he came over to my couch and raised his bottle to my glass. No words spoken, only subtle smiles were exchanged . My group of companions were surprised (except for babe because I had pointed him out to her earlier); well I don't think I would be picked up at such places this easily k?

The rest of the night just went by with him walking in and out of the room... Was it just me or did he cast glances my way every time he comes back in? As I was leaving I thought I saw him telling a lady about me. They were looking in my direction.

I just left. Didn't say goodbye.

His behaviour around the ladies got me wondering. I'm not comfortable with what I saw. Too friendly and touchy-feely with all of them. I'm not jealous, just thought that if he behaves like that with every lady then I need to re-evaluate what has transpired between us this far. What's his game? What are the rules? Will this be how it is going to be even when he is spoken for? I will be very disturbed.

Pity.

Well, two weeks. To cool off everything and I'll call him for that 'second date' and find out more.

When will I see you again
When will we share precious moments
Will I have to wait forever
Or will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through
When will I see you again
When will our hearts beat together
Are we in love or just friends
Is this my beginning or is this the end
When will I see you again
Are we in love or just friends
Is this my beginning or is this the end
When will I see you again...

Hee.

Ramble ramble.....

Kekeke, I'm actually admonished by some people when I don't write every day and update them. You're all such caring people (aka nosy parkers, hahahaha....)

Okay, here's the update:

Last night was quite an enjoyable session (although my bum is aching and my legs are like jelly now), both because of the workout and the bantering with the trainer. But as some people are so uptight with the last few days' entries, I shall not relate last night's details here. Haha. You'll have to call me to find out. But here's what I'll say: He asked me for a second date so I'm assuming that he did enjoy the date on Saturday night, contrary to what I thought earlier. I did not answer him yes or no. I won't call or message him on my part for two weeks just to let things settle and cool off a little. (Damn it's hard! And today's only the first day, haha.)

And the bonus I found last night? He used to attend church. Nope he's not a Christian or anything he just felt like going so he went. Hey! At least that's a step in the right direction right, to all my cynics out there. Maybe next date can ask him go church with me. Kekeke...

I guess I'm still feeling hurt and disappointed and betrayed. But I know I wasn't as adamant as I was even just a month ago. It's not simply because I met someone who is interesting me. Even before that I had decided that I should just let go of everything and be kind to myself. I want to be loved and I deserved to be loved, everyone does. I can choose how I want to be loved and who I want to love me. For now, I'm not too sure yet but at least I'm getting back out on the scene and accepting people. (ok, but that doesn't mean you go around matchmaking me alright!? And I still reserve the right to reject. Hahaha.)

Ouch..., maybe I should claim that massage session too... hehe *wink wink*. Guess who's the masseuse.

Ramble ramble.....

p.s. Had this crazy idea to direct him (the trainer) to this blog. Hahaha... Sheesh. Just imagine...

AHHHH...... (contented sigh)

*smiles*

It's a memorably sweet night.

Ramble ramble.....

I am Jesh!

Find out which of Kelly's friends you are at kelly.moranweb.com.


You are the otherworldly Jesh!

Are you short and blonde? Well, I don't care. You're Jesh anyway.

She is the extroverted, witty whippersnapper, with a comeback and sarcastic retort on hand at all times. Her creative genius has led her to be a storyteller and... a creative genius. We love her humo(u)r**, drama, and exquisite writing, but most of all, we love making fun of her. Oh, newsflash: "I AM NOT SHORT! I AM *PETITE*!!!" says the Jesh. Did I mention that she lies?

**And what a CUTE little English accent the little dear has!


'Hehe, yes I am that productive at work. Hey it does seem to describe me quite aptly. Ha!'

Haha, yes I'm bored at work. Got a few to things to finish by end of this week and I'm still sitting on my bum doing naught. Haha.... I just can't concentrate at work... feeling tired today also. Think I might be falling sick, throat hurts. It was swollen this morning.

Ok this morning my heart skipped a little. Here's why:

11:32:04am - 'Sweetie, tonight 7pm remember?' (aahhh, how nice to be greeted like this in the morning. kekeke...)

11:32:25am - 'Trying not to... Haha' (honestly, still contemplating if I should cancel. What's the point of turning up to be shown how the machine works when I know I won't sign up??!! Ha.)

11:34:07am - 'Huh? Why?'

11:34:11am - 'Never mind, I'll see you tonight then. Do I call you when I'm there? (decide I should just be cool and normal. Don't overreact.)

11:36:05am - 'Just come to the counter and look for me.'

11:37:05am - 'Ok, be nice tonight. Don't break my bones.' (wasn't flirting here, honest! Just trying to tell him don't be pushy on me.)

11:40:11am - 'Okay I'll give u my TLC' (WOW!)

11:39:55am - 'I'm going to hold you to that.' (ok, I'm flirting here. Hehehe.)

___________________________________________________________________

There's this friend I lurp deep deep and he was nagging me last night. He was just trying to irritate and get me to tell him 'I hate you'. Nope, not going to work like that. He's worried about me and what's happening to me. I'm not on a rebound ok! Quit nagging and worrying. Haha. These past three days, when the two men comes into my mind, one has begun to fade and blur while the other is coming into sharper focus. Haha, no prizes for guessing who's who. Good or bad? Guess it's a good thing that I AM REALLY MOVING ON NOW. Bad if I allow the new guy to screw up my mind and emotions again. See, I do know what I should beware of and what is the wiser choice to make. I'm not totally blind and lost yet.

As usual, if you've got a comment, tag on my board. Don't call or message me. Urgh!

Meanwhile stay tuned for tonight's update. Will it be another anti-climatic end to this affair or will something exciting take place?

Ramble ramble.....

I am the princess (...with a pea)!

Find your fairy tale character at kelly.moranweb.com.


Alas, the quaint princess (and the pea).

You! Yes, you... the one with the sensitive bum.

You're lovable and cute but very picky. That's why we don't like you. I mean.. that's why we're so damn fond of you! The only real problem I had with you was the fact that you stole my mattress just so prevent a bruised tush. Jeez, I need to see my psychiatrist about speaking out of turn.

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.



Earthly. Realistic. You're simply down-to-earth.

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

HUNGRY!!!

I'll marry the guy that bring me food now. Char Kway Teow, no cockles. Hahahaha.....

Ramble ramble.....

I was so pissed. Now I'm still feeling a little sore. Never mind...

K, can't work today at all, tried to write my reports and all I can hear is 'dong dong dong' and 'drrrr drrrr drrrr'. Haiyo, All that hacking and drilling driving me and my colleagues nuts. And the air-con broke down. ARGH!!! We're all going to wear bikinis to work tomorrow. Hahaha...

Ok, woke up this morning my thought was on the new fellow. Hmm, well at least it's a change from HIM... Mmmm, was talking to my friend last night about what has been happening and how I feel about all these. I'm just glad that I had finally figured out, well sort of, what I should do after tomorrow because I know I would have gone up to him (the new fellow) otherwise and just tell him straight in the face that I am attracted to him. Hahaha... Lucky, my decision is to let sleeping dogs lie and just let God take charge what happpens thereafter. Can you imagine me going: 'Hi, just want to let you know that I am attracted to you.' Duh... hahaha.

I'm giving myself two weeks to see if I still keep thinking of him and how I feel when I think of him. Then again, after two weeks everything might have died off which is just as well. Kekeke, of course during these two weeks I won't contact him on my part (or I'll die trying k?!) but doesn't mean I won't answer his call or sms if he does. Hahaha...

Haiya, basically I think I kind of stop him in his steps on Saturday when I told him that I don't think this is a good time for me to meet anyone yet as I'm still not able to give anything of myself as of now. Maybe that's why suddenly the evening seemed a little awkward thereafter. *shrug* Whatever.

Then again I'm so worried what if this guy, or the next guy, can't love me the way I want to be loved? Sigh, can't penalise WS for not trying. He did do his best. I am very 'fan4 jian4', hahaha.

Ramble ramble.....

Renovation works has started in Bedok Home. So noisy. Can't hear myself think. Phone lines are all down. Hahaha... no need to entertain boliao calls.

Shit.

Been thinking about the two men the whole morning. Thank God for a dreamless night, at least I'm getting some reprieve in my sleep, for the time being. The whole of yesterday I kept checking my phone for messages, from the new fellow. Haha... kind of disappointed there was none. Haiz... So last night while I was at A's place lounging by the pool, I asked her if and can I text him instead and she said why not, doesn't have to mean anything. So ok, I text and asked what he was doing. Maybe I shouldn't have, but then I suppose everything is how you want it to be only. If you are not expecting anything then you lose nothing. Relativity.

The strange coincidence is that the both of them share the same Chinese surname. Ha.

What am I feeling now? Heartache when I think of the one that has gone. Apprehension when I think of the one that has just appeared. It's a lot of assumptions on my part especially when it comes to the new guy. He might not even be interested in me in the first place. Kekeke... After all, I don't really know him at all. Neither does he know me. He's just someone I met thrice, had dinner with once. I"m just surprised at myself that I can be attracted to someone at the second meeting. I must be going nuts. HA!

Ramble ramble.....