I know I've changed. I'm doing things that I didn't used to. I'm accepting things that I didn't used to. Then again, I've often wondered before is it only because the company I used to hang out with do not do the things I'm doing now and not because I'm really biased against it.

After all, there's always a rebellious streak suppressed somewhere inside me. I know how I would have turned out if I didn't have family and friends who cared and God guiding me all these time. I know my subbornness have driven some up the wall many times and they often don't know how to convince me otherwise. Then again, I have always accepted and bore the consequences no matter good or bad because they were my decisions afterall. I never expected people to clean up my shit.

I've been thinking: I'm still loving HIM but I've chosen to let go and lock away that love and concern. It's really only going to keep me down if I remember every little thing that he likes to eat and do, every time I walk by some old haunt or see something familiar. Besides, I can't be waiting my whole life for HIM to turn back and love me again. I want to love and be loved. Being single can be a choice, but often it is chosen only because there are no better choices anyway. No one likes to be alone and live alone. Singles are always surrounded by friends and work because they don't have someone to come home and talk to. You can get used to being alone and learn not to cry at night. You can even learn not to show your loneliness and put up a stoic mask; but it doesn't mean that in the dead of the night or when all your friends have no time for you and you have too much time for yourself to start thinking about life that you don't start to yearn for someone to hold you and just listen to you talk.

God never meant for Man to live alone. God wants Man to live in a loving relationship with one another. God wants us to share his love and multiply it.

Now, to find someone who wants the same as me. Hee.

p.s. Today's my granduncle's death anniversary. I miss him. A year ago on this day I cried and HE was there to dry my eyes. Today, my eyes are dry but HE'S not there anymore.

Ramble ramble.....