Last month she said I was childish. Last Friday she told me I was matured. The most matured of the lot in fact.

Last month she said I talked too much at work. When I kept my mouth shut this month, she asked why my face is so black at work.

And then she said my hair is messy. I cannot remember the last time someone said that and I am really guilty of being so.

Is she going to think I have ugly shoes this week?

Sometimes I just believe that when a person in power starts to treat you like this, it is your signal to go.

I am going. No sweat.

I was supposed to do it today but I called in sick. So I will do it tomorrow. In any case, I think they are not that understanding or happy about my recent sickness and leave taking. So maybe it is a good time too. Before we start pulling out each other's hair.

I know my grandmother is really happy whenever I am there for her, even if we just sit side by side not talking.

She needs me more than anybody else now.

I bought myself a gift. For all the hard work I have put in and all the upsets I had endured. I like my new toy. Maybe I will take a picture one day and post it up.

But it will be the last indulgence I give myself for a long time. I have to start being prudent and stinge alot again. Money will be tight. I will really appreciate if you ask me out for the occasional meal and movie and PAY for me.

Grandma is sick. She is not able to care for herself anymore, and nor does she bother too. I am going to take care of her. I have decided to quit my job to care for her full time.

I will not let my grandma feel that no one cares for her anymore now that she is old and sickly. I will not let her pass her days unhappy and be careless about her health anymore. I will nurse her back to health and make her days comfortable for her.

I will not let myself regret I could have done more for her.

I love my grandma.

Updates on my recent life

1. A young man asked me out to watch fireworks. Young.
2. An older man called to say he wants to ask me out. Older. Two actually.
3. A married man tried asking me out few times. Then ask why it is so difficult to date me.
4. My boss is entrusting me more than I want to be. Difficult.
5. My boss' wife is beginning to find faults with me. She hates that my boss is giving me more trust than to her.
6. A friend called me from afar. Called to hear my voice. Called to make me smile.
7. Someone said he misses me alot. A lot a lot.
8. Been travelling quite a bit for work. Tired.

That is all. Work is good, boss and his wife suck. Wahaha. I will survive another week.

Humans are so hard to please and so absorbed in their own grievances.

We really need to look more inwards at ourselves and wonder why we are always demanding so much from others and weigh how much of ourselves we have given in return.

We are living and working in a fast-paced society. Every one has their own stress and needs.

Let us learn not to lash out at others because we have reached our own limits. Look to the skies and realise how small we are and how much more we can open up our hearts.

I am not adverse to people telling me what they think. But I AM adverse to people who hide behind anonymity to tell people what THEY think. Especially if they do not have even the sligtest idea what I am talking about or referring to.

Mr or Miss Anonymity on my tagboard is just being plain irritating and rude, and I will tell you so even if you are my friend or someone I know.

This is the reason why so many politicians and governments find no integrity in online posts, and often go to the extent of banning it. Because more often than not, the slight minority who chooses who to make their views known choose to do it behind the safety screen on anonymity so easily set up online.

Expressing your views online is not a bad thing. It only becomes dubious when people refuse to bear responsibility what they say.

If I am Miss Stubborn, Mr/Miss Anonymity is plain rude and arrogant.

Stubborn is when you know you are wrong and insists on being wrong. I have never been that if I have been convinced that I am wrong. I just stand firm in what I believe in and persist in being so, until proven otherwise.

I can delete Mr/Miss Anonymity's comments easily. But I will leave it on to show his/hers shallowness in knowing me.

Please tell me how to talk to people who are so stubborn and self-righteous that they cannot see where they are going wrong.

I hope I never lose my ability and perspective to self-reflect and be objective in judging myself.

There are times when I know I am simply blowing hot air, just for fun. Then there are times when I truly believe I can be or do better than what is. And there are the times when I also admit I am not as good.

It takes someone who knows me well to differentiate when I am which above.

Sadly sometimes it is the people who I should be closest to that cannot tell.

I was just re-reading my previous blog. Guessed it came off a little bitter and defensive.

No, that was not what I was trying to say. I am definitely not pointing fingers, just commenting how the situation is making me feel.

In any case, perhaps I have been rather barbed and unpredictable the past couple of years. However, I was definitely never feeling bitter, unhappy or defensive. Rather, I was impatient. That I admit. I decided not to 'waste' time on people and issues I feel have low ROI - Return Of Investment (of time, emotions and effort).

Ok ok ok, life will never balance up and relationships cannot be equalised.

Let us all try once more.

My Personal Dna Report

I think I have a very funny friendship going on, if we are all still considered friends...

You see, I used to have a group of friends. We used to hang out all the time together, even when we had started working and going our separate ways. Then one day, a conflict broke out between me and another girl and things are never the same anymore. Even after I had tried to make peace, it just seemed that quietly, I have been dropped by the entire group, even if the conflict was only between me and the girl.

Some time ago, they started a group blog where everyone wrote on the same blog. Well, not everyone; I did not. But I was not the only one who did not. In any case, I also began to see that they have moved on with life without me. Just like that. I was never called for any gatherings anymore. Invitations to my place are always 'politely' turned down, whatever the reasons may be. I stopped asking after the last one.

I just think that you cannot say I did not try. Because I did.

So what is the issue here? Well, after telling myself no point reading their writings if it does not involve me anymore, I 'tuned' in today and found that a new picture had been posted. And I was in the picture.

I just find it ironic and kind of an insult. What is the point of finding a picture that had me in it when it seems quite clear that I am not of the group anymore?

Am I petty? Not that I know of. I am just bewildered at the status of the situation.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Today I received another of Life's lessons.

You really cannot pre-empt who sees you as important and who really does not care.

I was surprised this evening when I received text messages from someone who wanted to meet me because she was in low spirits. I had not felt needed by someone else for a long time. Irony is she was also feeling redundant. Reality is she actually has two beautiful children who thinks the world of her. I have not any body.

And she is a lady in her forties. Kind of late and weird to be feeling insecure at this age.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I hate to think and say this, but the truth is:

Love yourself, for you never know when others will stop loving you. If you cannot see yourself as being important to you, when others stop caring, you will be lost.

I was sick the past two weeks, caught a cold. But before that, I had become disinterested in my work too. Just found it a challenge to wake myself up each morning to go to work.

Not that I hate my work. In fact it had nothing to do with work. Rather it had more to do with the people I am working with and for. Then again, at the end of the day I have to tell myself these people are just behaving in a normal, expected manner. I should not upset myself so much with them and be too bothered with how they are. As long as I do my job well and stand faultless, they cannot do much to me. The irony of course is that the powers that be up above me have not exactly been mean to me. In fact my boss is quite generous towards me and my colleagues have noted so too. But then it is really the general overall operations and management that really drags one's spirits down.

Can you believe that for a few miserable hundered dollars worth of the 13th month wage I have to get it in two instalments and it is now March but I have received only the first half of it. Any one will find that a stinko right?

In any case, just as I was feeling shitty working at a stink-hole like this, my boss announced to me he will be bringing me to the US of A with him to attend some conferences and meet some vendors. Whoopee right?! Unfortunately, it came at a time when I was templating leaving. How ironic. I could almost swear it was as if he heard my discontent and is dangling this in front of me to make me stay. Then today he told me to make a business trip up to my Bangkok office without one of my colleagues who is supposed to go up with me to conduct a workshop there. The funny thing is that guy should be the one to go and I stay back because he is the one conducting the class, not me. Yet my boss did not ask me to stay behind instead. It felt like he is dangling a carrot in front of me to distract me from the welfare and benefits discontent.

Anyway, I decided to just do as I am told and think less. Carry on in a robotic manner till I have amassed enough 'wealth' before moving on to the next phase of my life. Heehee...

Therefore, AMELIKA.... Here I come!

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

My boss had PMS today. I was the unlucky target in a way. It was his unclear instructions and decisions; but I am the scapegoat.

Haiz. The perils of working life. The difficulties to climbing that corporate ladder.

Marry me someone!

On Valentine's Day, someone told me this:
'You have no flowers or chocolates or presents on Valentine's Day. But you have my heart.'

I must confess that if it was just ANY body saying it to me I would probably have laughed it off and shudder at the thought.

But I did not.

Because the person who said it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

At that moment, I could not have felt more loved. The words made every pore of me smile, from its very core.

I received a gift today. All the way from Tokyo. And the sender said he picked one that was most like me. Got to agree I cannot pick faults with his choice.

Thanks buddy! Come home soon, looking forward to gym sessions with you.

I feel like I am in kind of a rut recently. Trying to figure myself out and challenge myself more while giving myself more chances. I really do not want to throw in the towel so soon and at this juncture.

But oh man! I am so weary of it all.

Think positive. Feel positive.

I was reading a friend's blog and there was this question on what other name did you wanted.

This brought me to a memory I had when I was young. I used to like the name Stephanie alot. Wanted to call myself that. In primary school, I did not have any friends in school by that name. Then I met one of my father's colleague's daughter. She was a couple of years older. She had really long hair and pretty big eyes. And she was called Stephanie. Despite the age difference then, we got along quite well, she even called me sometimes after school to chat. That memory further deepened the impression that girls named Stephanie are really nice, pretty and friendly. Then when I went to secondary school, I got a new friend who was also named Stephanie. Of course by then I no longer wanted to change my name. But the warm impression the first Stephanie left me was still around. Again we became friends, then sisters.

In my course of work now, I got to know another two Stephanies. One very pretty and quite a nice person. The other not so pretty, and her mood determines whether she was nice to you or not.

All in all, I also conclude that girls named Stephanie are all quite fiery, at least the ones I know.

Hee.

By the way, I used to like the name Sarah too.

I feel a breakthrough coming. Once more.

But now, right this moment, I am just very, very sleepy.

Night world.

For a moment, I was worried about being labelled a nut. Hee.

You Are An Invisible Ex

You're so over your ex, you hardly even remember you have an ex You prefer leave all of the baggage behind you - far, far behind As they say, indifference is the opposite of love!

What Type of Ex Are You?

Hee hee, depends on who is touching... And where...

You Are In a Crunch Ice Cream

The perfect combo: a completely nuts person who likes to be touched

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Hur hur hur... Is that right...

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs. In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

Who Were You In High School?