I want to wait. But what am I waiting for? Waiting to be hurt all over again? Waiting to be told to go away again? Waiting for the tears and aches to start again? What does HE mean when HE said HE wanted to wait till HE was more settled down in life before looking me up? What did HE want then? To tell me HE is now ready to go on with me? OR to tell me one more time that HE is breaking up with me?

Does it mean if I were to appear in front of HIM now and tell HIM I don't care about anything else other than being with HIM, HE will finally break down and accept me again? That HIS pride and ego will finally be swept aside and HE can see that we can still be together? If only HE wanted to.

Then again, why should I put myself through all this pain once more? Why should I give HIM another chance to run me down like dirt? D thinks HE still loves me. I don't want to think about that. It's hard enough as it is. I don't want to go through my days thinking that HE still loves me but does not want to be with me. Worse, I might start conjuring up pictures of us being together again. That will be very painful when I fall.

This is my story. I am the lead in this story. It may not be the greatest love story or drama that ever happened, but it's my story. I think I can indulge in theatrics and drama as I want.