Ok, turned out the loser trainer could not remember anything he said two nights ago. And he insisted he was not drunk. Well, whatever. He asked me what he said so I resent the whole conversation to him. Yes, I kept his messages. Not all, it does get cleaned up. He has yet to respond. So I guess in a way I have my answer already anyhow. Ok. I'm not as upset as I, and many others, feared I'd be. Cool.

HE got me on MSN yesterday and I could not run away fast enough. Decided to 'thrash' things out with HIM. I told HIM I do not understand what the email is saying. I asked for an explanation. Hey, after all HE was the one pestering me for a response to HIS email... And this was what HE had to say:

HE: i not asking u to wait

HE: just telling u wat i decided

HE: u dun hv to wait

HE: u can go ahead to go out with any guys

HE: live ur own life

Me: wat have u considered and decided about us?

Me: u do not want to b with me anymore right? even if u r doing well now

HE: i not doing well now

Me: i'm saying if

Me: if things r going well for u now r u saying u'll come looking for me? to ask me back?

HE: yes

Me: and how long will that be?

HE: wat how long?

Me: how long more do u need?

HE: i dunno

HE: and u dun need to wait

Me: if u still want me then why don't u even want to see me?

HE: if i miss my chance then so be it

Most of the reactions I had gotten from friends after telling them what happened were of the same tune: HE's not worth it. Who does HE think HE is to do this to me? Many of them were angry too. But remember, this is only part of the conversation. I cannot possibly relate everything. And anyway, is it just me who is looking at this more objectively than the rest of the world? Of course, all of you would beg to differ and prefer to say instead I am just being biased. But really, does it not say something about the man if he cannot bear for you to struggle with him and instead chooses to let you go?

Anyway, you would want to know my take on this right? Well, as I've said earlier, I am just going to keep living the way I had before I saw the email, and I will continue to do what I feel like doing or want to do. No doubt, the heart sometimes still misses HIM but that is as far as it goes. I cannot and will not just live my life thinking of waiting out for HIM. That said, of course there are still moments when I find myself longing for HIM. My heart and head have fallen out with each other long ago. They have stopped working in tandem and are always confusing me with dilemmas.

Well, at least today I no longer feel like shit. Ha.

I can say I am alright. Really. Truly.