It has been a long time since I last wrote anything. Just was not in the mood to say anything. In any case, judging from the low readership rate I might have been just writing for my own reading only. Ha. Whatever.
Anyway, I am not in the mood to work today also. So I called in sick and was thinking about seeing a doctor about my sinus. But sleeping in made me too lethargic to do anything else.
Is something bothering me? Something is always bothering me. It is a matter of how well I can push the bothersome issues away. What is bothering me? Well...
Anyway, just to log a quick update: I have spoken to Doreen about leaving although I have not given a date. This is because the Management has not decided on the schedules of the various projects and if I just up and leave they will be hanging in mid-air. Spoken to the lady I was supposed to work for and decided I will come in as her partner and take care of a sleeping company she has doing events projects and expand it further to include PR and marketing services.
As for the old fellow, I heard he had a heart attack last week. Haha... must be doing to much lewd fantasizing to bring it on. He called me again last week and insisted on bringing me out for dinner again. Pushed him off by saying all the projects are beginning and I am too busy to go anywhere now. Bleah.
Sometimes I hate my life. Most times I just try very hard to make my life the way I want to. Therein lies the irony. The way I am working hard to make my life now is not what I really really want it to be. In fact, I never imagined that this will be my life but I guess this is how life is, always surprising you at every turn and corner.
Then, there are some I just cannot bear to let go.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
First day of my two weeks leave! Yea! Been waiting a long time for this. Haiz, actually I have been home for the first week and most of the second week of the month too anyway; the aching back has been keeping me away from the office. But to those of you who are concerned, I am alot better now thank you! Still cannot sit for too long at one stretch and still tires easily but it is not as bad anymore. I have collected my x-ray today and will be seeing the doctor tomorrow. As far as I can tell, there is nothing serious but was asked to note some 'lipping'... What is that?!! And it is at the top of the spine, near the base of the neck and not at my lower back as expected for a fall to my bum. Hmm... Well, will know tomorrow after I have seen the doctor.
OH! That perverted old man has been calling me today. On my handphone but I refused to answer. Called the office too on the pretext of work. How do I know? Because my colleagues keep messaging me to ask me things, inane issues under the pervert. Duh! The mere thought of him still makes my hair stand. Cannot help but feel repulsed by him. Well, as a brother queried: 'Is he not the sugar daddy I have been asking for?' The answer is a loud emphatic NO. Why? Because he is older than my own daddy, and really too urgh. He simply assumed I like him. Or will like/fall for him. Come on, maybe if he were to be suave as Tommy Lee Jones or even Robert De Niro. Even even Patrick Tse... But he is just a perverted sick old man who is not even hesitant to let me know of his many 'amours'. YUCK! Frankly, I am not against going out with an older man; but up to 10-15 years is the maximum. Why in the world would I want to go out with a grandfather? Duh-duh!
Anyway, while I lament my lack of choices on one hand, I do know very well it is only because I am not going out to meet people. Haha. Nowadays, I head straight home after work and am too lazy to go out on weekends. How to meet anybody? I do not even get to see my next-door neighbours. Sheesh. Haha. And I am also beginning to realist that this could very well be the year that I start getting match-made to/by. Whatever. Everywhere I go if people know I am single the next question will be: 'Shall I introduce you to someone?' Do people really know so many others who need help meeting potentials?! Have I reached the stage where I need help already? Nah. I refuse to bow to pressure. I give my self till 35 before I panic. That gives me another 10 years and 3 days to motherhood stress.
Yep. Me turning 25 in a few days more. Happy birthday to moi self in advance. I love myself more each year. Hee.
OH! That perverted old man has been calling me today. On my handphone but I refused to answer. Called the office too on the pretext of work. How do I know? Because my colleagues keep messaging me to ask me things, inane issues under the pervert. Duh! The mere thought of him still makes my hair stand. Cannot help but feel repulsed by him. Well, as a brother queried: 'Is he not the sugar daddy I have been asking for?' The answer is a loud emphatic NO. Why? Because he is older than my own daddy, and really too urgh. He simply assumed I like him. Or will like/fall for him. Come on, maybe if he were to be suave as Tommy Lee Jones or even Robert De Niro. Even even Patrick Tse... But he is just a perverted sick old man who is not even hesitant to let me know of his many 'amours'. YUCK! Frankly, I am not against going out with an older man; but up to 10-15 years is the maximum. Why in the world would I want to go out with a grandfather? Duh-duh!
Anyway, while I lament my lack of choices on one hand, I do know very well it is only because I am not going out to meet people. Haha. Nowadays, I head straight home after work and am too lazy to go out on weekends. How to meet anybody? I do not even get to see my next-door neighbours. Sheesh. Haha. And I am also beginning to realist that this could very well be the year that I start getting match-made to/by. Whatever. Everywhere I go if people know I am single the next question will be: 'Shall I introduce you to someone?' Do people really know so many others who need help meeting potentials?! Have I reached the stage where I need help already? Nah. I refuse to bow to pressure. I give my self till 35 before I panic. That gives me another 10 years and 3 days to motherhood stress.
Yep. Me turning 25 in a few days more. Happy birthday to moi self in advance. I love myself more each year. Hee.
Friday, January 14, 2005
The back was aching badly the last two days. Decided I should go see my GP and get a referral. What a great difference in the consultation compared to the ones I got from the polyclinic doctors. I went twice to two differnt polyclinics and I have only one conclusion: go to them only if you are not dying or in serious conditions. I was barely in the room for five minutes on both occasions before they declared me fine, and this was even before they asked me how I fell or when and how do I feel. In contrast, my GP asked me questions about the kind of aches I am getting and where and how long has it been, ON TOP of giving me a thorough body check-up. In the end, even though she concluded I might not have broken anything but because of the persistent aches after two weeks she will still send me for an x-ray. Is this not what responsible medical consultation is about? Of course, there might be some people out there who think that I am expecting the royal treatment for my measly payment. I prefer to insist that this is only professionalism at work.
Anyway, I do not think I will die or be paralysed from this unfortunate fall. But I seriously believe that I will have to pay heavily for it when I am old if I do not take care of it now. Hey! How to go backpacking with a charming young boy then if I am confined to the bed by my old bones?! Haha.
Well, it is only the second week and fourteenth day of the new year and I have spent most of it on bed already. Never mind that I had some REALLY disturbing things happening to me this past week too. Nothing short of a rude shock. In fact, it happened so subtlely and so smoothly I did not have time to react the way I should have. And for that, I am thoroughly disappointed in myself. I just hope that by 'disappearing' for some time my message will somehow get across to the person. Like a close friend said, 'he was too smooth and an old hand at what he was doing. You had no way of fighting it at that point'. Hmm, right. Anyway, I have a speech prepared now for if and when he does call again. And I will spare all the niceties. Unnecessary to someone wily like he is. Horrid man.
Okay, I got to go for my x-ray now. Sitting too long in front of the screen already.
Anyway, I do not think I will die or be paralysed from this unfortunate fall. But I seriously believe that I will have to pay heavily for it when I am old if I do not take care of it now. Hey! How to go backpacking with a charming young boy then if I am confined to the bed by my old bones?! Haha.
Well, it is only the second week and fourteenth day of the new year and I have spent most of it on bed already. Never mind that I had some REALLY disturbing things happening to me this past week too. Nothing short of a rude shock. In fact, it happened so subtlely and so smoothly I did not have time to react the way I should have. And for that, I am thoroughly disappointed in myself. I just hope that by 'disappearing' for some time my message will somehow get across to the person. Like a close friend said, 'he was too smooth and an old hand at what he was doing. You had no way of fighting it at that point'. Hmm, right. Anyway, I have a speech prepared now for if and when he does call again. And I will spare all the niceties. Unnecessary to someone wily like he is. Horrid man.
Okay, I got to go for my x-ray now. Sitting too long in front of the screen already.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Ha... The agony of not being able to sit up straight and long. The back cries out in aching agony after the first five minutes.
Anyway, I had wanted to write about my gym regime ever since I signed up. Amazingly, I perservered enough for me to say I AM quite proud of myself. It has been fun going to the gym, whether with my brother or for my training sessions. I guess deep down inside I always knew I was a gym chick, haha, just that I was not comfortable in an unfamiliar territory. There was a hiatus for two months when I was really swamped with work and then illness but I was glad I got back into reasonable shape quite fast, although I had become quite weak then... Sadly my trainer has left. Sigh. Always let down by personal trainers, all puns and innuendoes intended. Haha. Well, anyway last I heard from my trainer, all the rest of his colleagues wanted to know if I had any sessions left that they could take over. Haha. Fat chance. I finished mine long ago, my last few sessions were my mum's.
In any case, I guess even if I did not sign up with any other trainer they would not mind giving me a 'helping hand' now and then when they see me in the gym. Only thing is I doubt I would be going for a week or two now...
Got to go, back is beginning to ache.
Anyway, I had wanted to write about my gym regime ever since I signed up. Amazingly, I perservered enough for me to say I AM quite proud of myself. It has been fun going to the gym, whether with my brother or for my training sessions. I guess deep down inside I always knew I was a gym chick, haha, just that I was not comfortable in an unfamiliar territory. There was a hiatus for two months when I was really swamped with work and then illness but I was glad I got back into reasonable shape quite fast, although I had become quite weak then... Sadly my trainer has left. Sigh. Always let down by personal trainers, all puns and innuendoes intended. Haha. Well, anyway last I heard from my trainer, all the rest of his colleagues wanted to know if I had any sessions left that they could take over. Haha. Fat chance. I finished mine long ago, my last few sessions were my mum's.
In any case, I guess even if I did not sign up with any other trainer they would not mind giving me a 'helping hand' now and then when they see me in the gym. Only thing is I doubt I would be going for a week or two now...
Got to go, back is beginning to ache.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Well well, I fell down four steps on the stairs on the first day of the new year. More like slipped on the first step and bounced my way uncontrollably down the rest. A little like Tigger as I related to a friend. Haha. Yea, bum hurts. Followed by the rest of the back because of the impact. Followed by a headache. I went to a Chinese doctor for 'tui na' and the truth is I teared. Almost on the verge of crying too. I hurt the entire length of my back, down to my bum. Ouch! And so I spent today resting in bed. The sinseh said it will be a tricky recovery and it will not be so easy. So here goes...
I messaged my ED, Doreen and she lamented on my behalf what a thing to happen to me on new year. But my retort was that with the worst luck on the first day of the new year, I can probably look forward to a great year ahead henceforth. She commented that it was good I was so positive. Well, bum hurts like hell and the back aches like mad but I can be positive about it and have a good laugh and good year or lament non-stop and make myself downright miserable while recuperating all alone at home and for the rest of the year, cursing and swearing and blaming the fall for my unhappiness. Nah, I will not live thus!
Ok, another day lying in bed tomorrow. Typing this is killing my back already...
I messaged my ED, Doreen and she lamented on my behalf what a thing to happen to me on new year. But my retort was that with the worst luck on the first day of the new year, I can probably look forward to a great year ahead henceforth. She commented that it was good I was so positive. Well, bum hurts like hell and the back aches like mad but I can be positive about it and have a good laugh and good year or lament non-stop and make myself downright miserable while recuperating all alone at home and for the rest of the year, cursing and swearing and blaming the fall for my unhappiness. Nah, I will not live thus!
Ok, another day lying in bed tomorrow. Typing this is killing my back already...
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Frankly if you ask me, the majority of deaths happened in some of the most populous AND poorest places in the world. Never mind that making a living is hard for them. Living itself has no meaning other than to prolong your existence on earth; what kind of life is this? They are, honestly speaking, better off dead. At least they are no longer hungry, suffering and poor. If you take a step back and look at things from a slightly different angle, it is simply nature's way of evolving. Simple rules of ecology as a friend pointed out.
To me, this event only points out one very stark and true fact: Nature can and will never be tamed. Man can come up with the most fabulous machine to conquer the seas, the skies and even outer space, in their most feeble and naive attempts. But Mother Nature is not one to be lorded over by Man. Arrogant beings that we are. Man has not learnt to respect her. They continue to persist and insist on depleting the richness that she has provided for our simple subsistence, continue to claim ownership over her creatures and lands, and this is what happens when she gets fed up. Remember the movie 'Day After Tomorrow'? Well, it warns of what will happen when global warming gets to a point where it is more than an inconvenience of having to stay home in a freak snowstorm. Stop and think and know that this latest tsunami epidemic is a VERY real example of what it will be like when the issues raised in the movie finally becomes another fact in history.
Yes it is sad that lives are lost this way. But even more lives are lost daily to diseases, illnesses and accidents that we could have prevented too. Do they deserve to die any more? Well, maybe only those that persist in unsafe and irresponsible sex.
To me, this event only points out one very stark and true fact: Nature can and will never be tamed. Man can come up with the most fabulous machine to conquer the seas, the skies and even outer space, in their most feeble and naive attempts. But Mother Nature is not one to be lorded over by Man. Arrogant beings that we are. Man has not learnt to respect her. They continue to persist and insist on depleting the richness that she has provided for our simple subsistence, continue to claim ownership over her creatures and lands, and this is what happens when she gets fed up. Remember the movie 'Day After Tomorrow'? Well, it warns of what will happen when global warming gets to a point where it is more than an inconvenience of having to stay home in a freak snowstorm. Stop and think and know that this latest tsunami epidemic is a VERY real example of what it will be like when the issues raised in the movie finally becomes another fact in history.
Yes it is sad that lives are lost this way. But even more lives are lost daily to diseases, illnesses and accidents that we could have prevented too. Do they deserve to die any more? Well, maybe only those that persist in unsafe and irresponsible sex.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
It is 5am (!) on a cold rainy morning. Argh! Yawn... Watching an ancient rerun of one of the Qiong Yao series - 'Wang Fu Ya' (which literally means husband-gazing cliff). Anybody has any recollections? I used to luurrrve this show because I thought the male lead was handsome. I still think so but now the show seems so juvenile to me. Haha... the pains of growing up, you begin to find things you once loved 'juvenile'!!!
Went on a tour of all my friends' blogs before writing my own. 'Eat grass' and 'mooo'? Hahaha... 'Quitting work because of underpayment?' Sounds good. 'Watching animations (note it is not considered cartoons when it is meant for adult viewing. Haha.) till 4am in the morning?!' Well, I am blogging at 5am in the morning...
Realised I was the only one left to not have updated in a long while, especially considering how I used to be the one with the daily reads. Ha, some friends commented my blogs were like the dailies themselves, always a good distracting read during lunch. Well, just goes to show how busy I have been at work, never mind life because I hardly had one.
Anyway a brief (I will try to be brief but it HAS been some time, long time) summary of what has been up:
Work Front
My nightmare from hell seems to be over as that horrible woman finishes her term in a couple of days and has been consistently displaying signs of non-interest in renewing her term or continuing her service. Heck, she does not even seem to be interested in her pet project anymore - the quarterly newsletter for the Home. So it seems like good news... But I am going to keep my fingers AND toes crossed until it is official.
And finally! I am seeing some recognition for my hard work! In the first place I AM underpaid for my work as it is, but getting two months' bonus and a pay raise certainly makes me happy. I am easily contented. Haha. I still get a lot less than many of my friends, despite having worked longer than most of them. But I guess overall I had a more interesting career path and choices than most people I know. Comes packed with a heavy dose of experience and networking contacts as well. I am happy. Honest. Of course, a little more money never did hurt anyone. Hee...
However, I had actually just decided I wanted to leave the job by May next year to pursue some other offers put up to me, which are pretty attractive. Considering that the proposer is a lady, with a family, I can safely strike out the possibility that it is because of a 'personal interest' in me that sparked this offer. Hehe... Back to my story... Basically this lady is another one of the directors from the Home's board. We have worked very well together on several projects throughout this year and she has kept commending me on my work and expressing her interest in me working for her should I ever decide to leave the Home. She is very nice to me and has brought up this proposal many times before. In a nutshell, I can choose whether I want to work for her as her staff and develop her current business of design production, OR, be her partner in new business ventures. She will come up with the capital and provide the infrastructures. I will be given a stake in the business and the option to top up if and when I am ready to do so. And I can choose whatever venture I want to do! Cool is it not?!!! Where on earth can you get a similar deal? I had dinner with her last night and questioned her faith and confidence in me and all she said was the important thing is for me to know what I want to do. To her, it is just another business investment and she has nothing to lose anyway since she has a core business to fall back on. (Not to mention a well-off husband, who also happens to be a partner in a printing firm, kekeke) Luckily for me, the few business ideas I had in mind for myself struck her interests too. A couple were even what she herself had thought of doing but never had the resources to.
I just find this all so unbelieveable and just too good to miss. As my dear sister pointed out to me, it is a win-win situation for me as I have absolutely no risk. I do not have to come up with any money and it will just be like working for another employer. If at the end of the day it does not work out, I can simply start all over again with another employer. Sounds too good to be true?! It sure is. There is not even any catch to go with this, like I have to marry her son or what... Haha. I am SOOO... tempted.
Only snag out of the blue? When I was handed the letter informing my raise the other day, my Executive Director told me that everyone is quite pleased with me and she has received no complaints so far and that it seems I am on my way 'up, up, up', to quote her exact words. She also said to me not to worry as she will take care of me. Haha... So how? Will it seem like I am biting the hand that feeds me when I go to tell her of my intention to leave? Sigh.
Anyway, before my last day, I will make sure that the department is up and running on its own, AS a department and not a one-man show like it is now. I will also not leave until the Home has its anniversary dinner celebration. It turns 25 next year. Just like me! Yeah!. Maybe that is why I do feel for the place, we have so much in common! Haha... I meant that in jest, before any of you starts to jibe at me for that remark.
Home Front
Home is quite a cool place to hang out recently too. Haha, maybe because my dad is able to keep house now according to the standards he wants, since HE is the one playing house now, he has been less demanding on my brother and I to keep up with his cleanliness standards. Which he means he no longer yells at us for not wiping this or mopping that. Which also means he leaves us alone to sleep till we want to wake and nap whenever we want to during the weekends. Bliss. (cue silly grin of contentment on face) Of course, it can simply mean that he has totally given up on us actually budging or obliging even if he continued to threaten us. Hee. We still do our share, just more lax nowadays...
Ooh! I hear my mum's alarm go off! And it is almost six in the morning. Freak! Haha.
Anyway, we have plans to go for a family break in January, when I can finally clear my leave! And I have sooo generously offered to pay for my sister's air ticket. I am feeling generous. Although I am still drawing peanuts, the little increment has prompted me to spread a little around for the people I love. So in case you are wondering, if you do not hear from me, please do not come asking. I do not love you enough. Hehehe.... (evil smirk)
Health Front
I need to go see a skin specialist fast! The itching and scratching did not subside despite the stress having defused. In fact, the recent weeks have seen it flare up woorse than it ever did before. Guess it must be a case of delayed and suppressed reaction. I am beginning to get patches on my neck and face. No good. My mum is worried I might be disfigured. I am not panicking yet but I think I will be pretty soon, especially since I see more and more patches on my body everyday. And I do mean EVERYDAY.
And the sinus sometimes drives me nuts. I can wake up with a headache in the morning because my nerves were pinched in the night, due to the constricted airways, which really leaves me without the mood to go work. Or it will send me on a volley of sneezes which kinda leaves me breathless after a while. And the eternal sense of coming down with a flu because of an occasional tender throat and perpetual nasal voice is beginning to drive me crazy. I cannot sing properly now because I am not able to reach some notes, which were of no problems to me before. Argh! Double argh!!
Anyway, I guess I will have to spend some percentage of my bonus on going to doctors. Sigh... This is what I slogged for, money to go to doctors for ailments self-inflicted due to insistence at overworking like a circus monkey. Haha.
I want to go on but I think I shall break here. Catch some shut-eye before daybreak. Going to catch 'Phantom' in the theatre with a friend and I do not want to doze off in the cinema!
More about my gym trips next. Hehe... Yes, I still very on. But sadly, my trainer will be leaving soon.
Went on a tour of all my friends' blogs before writing my own. 'Eat grass' and 'mooo'? Hahaha... 'Quitting work because of underpayment?' Sounds good. 'Watching animations (note it is not considered cartoons when it is meant for adult viewing. Haha.) till 4am in the morning?!' Well, I am blogging at 5am in the morning...
Realised I was the only one left to not have updated in a long while, especially considering how I used to be the one with the daily reads. Ha, some friends commented my blogs were like the dailies themselves, always a good distracting read during lunch. Well, just goes to show how busy I have been at work, never mind life because I hardly had one.
Anyway a brief (I will try to be brief but it HAS been some time, long time) summary of what has been up:
Work Front
My nightmare from hell seems to be over as that horrible woman finishes her term in a couple of days and has been consistently displaying signs of non-interest in renewing her term or continuing her service. Heck, she does not even seem to be interested in her pet project anymore - the quarterly newsletter for the Home. So it seems like good news... But I am going to keep my fingers AND toes crossed until it is official.
And finally! I am seeing some recognition for my hard work! In the first place I AM underpaid for my work as it is, but getting two months' bonus and a pay raise certainly makes me happy. I am easily contented. Haha. I still get a lot less than many of my friends, despite having worked longer than most of them. But I guess overall I had a more interesting career path and choices than most people I know. Comes packed with a heavy dose of experience and networking contacts as well. I am happy. Honest. Of course, a little more money never did hurt anyone. Hee...
However, I had actually just decided I wanted to leave the job by May next year to pursue some other offers put up to me, which are pretty attractive. Considering that the proposer is a lady, with a family, I can safely strike out the possibility that it is because of a 'personal interest' in me that sparked this offer. Hehe... Back to my story... Basically this lady is another one of the directors from the Home's board. We have worked very well together on several projects throughout this year and she has kept commending me on my work and expressing her interest in me working for her should I ever decide to leave the Home. She is very nice to me and has brought up this proposal many times before. In a nutshell, I can choose whether I want to work for her as her staff and develop her current business of design production, OR, be her partner in new business ventures. She will come up with the capital and provide the infrastructures. I will be given a stake in the business and the option to top up if and when I am ready to do so. And I can choose whatever venture I want to do! Cool is it not?!!! Where on earth can you get a similar deal? I had dinner with her last night and questioned her faith and confidence in me and all she said was the important thing is for me to know what I want to do. To her, it is just another business investment and she has nothing to lose anyway since she has a core business to fall back on. (Not to mention a well-off husband, who also happens to be a partner in a printing firm, kekeke) Luckily for me, the few business ideas I had in mind for myself struck her interests too. A couple were even what she herself had thought of doing but never had the resources to.
I just find this all so unbelieveable and just too good to miss. As my dear sister pointed out to me, it is a win-win situation for me as I have absolutely no risk. I do not have to come up with any money and it will just be like working for another employer. If at the end of the day it does not work out, I can simply start all over again with another employer. Sounds too good to be true?! It sure is. There is not even any catch to go with this, like I have to marry her son or what... Haha. I am SOOO... tempted.
Only snag out of the blue? When I was handed the letter informing my raise the other day, my Executive Director told me that everyone is quite pleased with me and she has received no complaints so far and that it seems I am on my way 'up, up, up', to quote her exact words. She also said to me not to worry as she will take care of me. Haha... So how? Will it seem like I am biting the hand that feeds me when I go to tell her of my intention to leave? Sigh.
Anyway, before my last day, I will make sure that the department is up and running on its own, AS a department and not a one-man show like it is now. I will also not leave until the Home has its anniversary dinner celebration. It turns 25 next year. Just like me! Yeah!. Maybe that is why I do feel for the place, we have so much in common! Haha... I meant that in jest, before any of you starts to jibe at me for that remark.
Home Front
Home is quite a cool place to hang out recently too. Haha, maybe because my dad is able to keep house now according to the standards he wants, since HE is the one playing house now, he has been less demanding on my brother and I to keep up with his cleanliness standards. Which he means he no longer yells at us for not wiping this or mopping that. Which also means he leaves us alone to sleep till we want to wake and nap whenever we want to during the weekends. Bliss. (cue silly grin of contentment on face) Of course, it can simply mean that he has totally given up on us actually budging or obliging even if he continued to threaten us. Hee. We still do our share, just more lax nowadays...
Ooh! I hear my mum's alarm go off! And it is almost six in the morning. Freak! Haha.
Anyway, we have plans to go for a family break in January, when I can finally clear my leave! And I have sooo generously offered to pay for my sister's air ticket. I am feeling generous. Although I am still drawing peanuts, the little increment has prompted me to spread a little around for the people I love. So in case you are wondering, if you do not hear from me, please do not come asking. I do not love you enough. Hehehe.... (evil smirk)
Health Front
I need to go see a skin specialist fast! The itching and scratching did not subside despite the stress having defused. In fact, the recent weeks have seen it flare up woorse than it ever did before. Guess it must be a case of delayed and suppressed reaction. I am beginning to get patches on my neck and face. No good. My mum is worried I might be disfigured. I am not panicking yet but I think I will be pretty soon, especially since I see more and more patches on my body everyday. And I do mean EVERYDAY.
And the sinus sometimes drives me nuts. I can wake up with a headache in the morning because my nerves were pinched in the night, due to the constricted airways, which really leaves me without the mood to go work. Or it will send me on a volley of sneezes which kinda leaves me breathless after a while. And the eternal sense of coming down with a flu because of an occasional tender throat and perpetual nasal voice is beginning to drive me crazy. I cannot sing properly now because I am not able to reach some notes, which were of no problems to me before. Argh! Double argh!!
Anyway, I guess I will have to spend some percentage of my bonus on going to doctors. Sigh... This is what I slogged for, money to go to doctors for ailments self-inflicted due to insistence at overworking like a circus monkey. Haha.
I want to go on but I think I shall break here. Catch some shut-eye before daybreak. Going to catch 'Phantom' in the theatre with a friend and I do not want to doze off in the cinema!
More about my gym trips next. Hehe... Yes, I still very on. But sadly, my trainer will be leaving soon.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Friday, December 03, 2004
Been feeling really really ti....red, even though the workload is a lot less now and I do not work crazy hours anymore. I cannot figure out why it is still so hard to get up in the morning even though I sleep a lot more hours now than previously. Some days I just feel so limp and weak physically and yet I do not feel unwell. Just very tired. Well, some nights I do feel a heavy head coming and I attribute that to my sinus problem but other than that I cannot recall anything else that makes me feel uncomfortable.
Oh last night I had the weirdest dream! It was not really a nightmare but it disturbed me enough to keep me awake for almost an hour, at five in the morning! Haha, in the weird dream was Shups, Ah Huat, Ah Bao and me. We were driving along in Ah Bao's car when the weirdest thing happened. I shall not go into details because I really think it is silly but suffice to say I woke up very perturbed and wondering why the people in the dream were there and why such a irrational situation taking place. Haha...
The weather has gone crazy, my body has gone crazy. Now even my dreams have turned out weird. What next? Anyway, my life is one big crazy ride anyway.
Mwahahahaha... (manical laugh)
Oh last night I had the weirdest dream! It was not really a nightmare but it disturbed me enough to keep me awake for almost an hour, at five in the morning! Haha, in the weird dream was Shups, Ah Huat, Ah Bao and me. We were driving along in Ah Bao's car when the weirdest thing happened. I shall not go into details because I really think it is silly but suffice to say I woke up very perturbed and wondering why the people in the dream were there and why such a irrational situation taking place. Haha...
The weather has gone crazy, my body has gone crazy. Now even my dreams have turned out weird. What next? Anyway, my life is one big crazy ride anyway.
Mwahahahaha... (manical laugh)
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Is it me or has everyone moved on without me realising? Somehow I feel that my inner circle of friends have all drifted away from me, a phonecall is no longer as reassuring. A meeting is no longer as fulfilling. We seem to have less to talk about, and less to want to talk about.
Is it simply because everyone is overworked? Or that we have all outgrown one another? The sad thing is, some actually seem happier without you and they do not bother to hide that. Well, I do wish all the best for them and only happiness to them. It is just sad when you look back and people you were once close to no longer want you in their lives.
I must admit I did not try very hard either on my end; what being bogged down by work and relationships burdens. I do not think I am very good company to have around anyway and nothing much that I want to talk about without appearing offensive, cynical or offhandish. Perhaps my overtime at work have made me lose my ability to interact with others properly. Sometimes I do wish I were putting in extra hours at work. I do not know what to do when I am home early and I do not seem to be able to ask people out. My social life is almost zilch now and I am using my work as a poor compensation.
Is it simply because everyone is overworked? Or that we have all outgrown one another? The sad thing is, some actually seem happier without you and they do not bother to hide that. Well, I do wish all the best for them and only happiness to them. It is just sad when you look back and people you were once close to no longer want you in their lives.
I must admit I did not try very hard either on my end; what being bogged down by work and relationships burdens. I do not think I am very good company to have around anyway and nothing much that I want to talk about without appearing offensive, cynical or offhandish. Perhaps my overtime at work have made me lose my ability to interact with others properly. Sometimes I do wish I were putting in extra hours at work. I do not know what to do when I am home early and I do not seem to be able to ask people out. My social life is almost zilch now and I am using my work as a poor compensation.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
|
You Are From Neptune |
 You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything. |
Hee... this is fun...
|
You Are the Enthusiast |
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7 You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life. You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new. Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy. You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you. |
Haha, can tell I have been surfing around Shup's blog... Kekeke...
Monday, November 22, 2004
November 21st. A day that gave me many reasons to smile, as well as to hope; while putting on my guard against those I work for and with. But many things were further revealed to me in the one full day I spent in close proximity to those in authority. I only have this to say: "At the end of the day, I am only here to work and to serve the residents to bring them a better life; I am not here to prostitute myself or my capabilities, least of all my integrity. Do not think I am a pushover simply because I yield to your ceaseless demands and orders. Do not get me involved in your petty fights against one another. It is not why I am here, and less why I am still staying."
On a happy note, although we did not get the targeted number of volunteers we wanted for our street sales to fundraise, we still did quite well. Therefore I conclude that had we gotten the 1000 volunteers, we would be able to hit our targeted amount definitely. Over-optimistic? Well, I prefer to think confidence helps you to walk further and achieve more than you otherwise would. As a friend gasped in surprise:" You mean you can raise so much money just by selling chopsticks? Imagine how much you could get if you sold forks and spoons and bowls." Haha, I think he was just being silly.
A few days ago, a friend was trying to tell me the latest news on HIM. Well, a part of me did want to know quite badly, but the rational side of me warned that I could very possibly be affected by what I hear, definitely not what I needed just before a big fundraising event. And I do believe it is very true as on Saturday I did feel quite upset for no reason, almost depressed. Ha. Yep...
Anyway, I survived everything nonetheless and I really believe I will continue to do so. Time to do a little stocktaking on other aspects of life now.
Stay tuned for more details...
On a happy note, although we did not get the targeted number of volunteers we wanted for our street sales to fundraise, we still did quite well. Therefore I conclude that had we gotten the 1000 volunteers, we would be able to hit our targeted amount definitely. Over-optimistic? Well, I prefer to think confidence helps you to walk further and achieve more than you otherwise would. As a friend gasped in surprise:" You mean you can raise so much money just by selling chopsticks? Imagine how much you could get if you sold forks and spoons and bowls." Haha, I think he was just being silly.
A few days ago, a friend was trying to tell me the latest news on HIM. Well, a part of me did want to know quite badly, but the rational side of me warned that I could very possibly be affected by what I hear, definitely not what I needed just before a big fundraising event. And I do believe it is very true as on Saturday I did feel quite upset for no reason, almost depressed. Ha. Yep...
Anyway, I survived everything nonetheless and I really believe I will continue to do so. Time to do a little stocktaking on other aspects of life now.
Stay tuned for more details...
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
I am loving my new haircut so much! For some reasons, I feel so liberated by its new length, or lack of. It seems that all my weariness, unhappiness, frustrations, unexplained helplessness were all shorn away when the scissors went snip! snip! Liberation! Freedom!
I think I will keep this hairstyle for quite a while. I was getting a little sick of my old length and styles. Maybe some gold streaks next! Haha.
I think I will keep this hairstyle for quite a while. I was getting a little sick of my old length and styles. Maybe some gold streaks next! Haha.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
I am having a GREAT Deepavali! Haha. Slept in late, had pancakes for breakfast, bummed in bed somemore. Showered. Dozed off with a mask on my face. Had lunched. Dozed somemore. Watch TV. Lots of Indian TV. Haiz.... Such is life. For the very first time in my life! Haha...
Such decadence. Bliss.
*wink*
Such decadence. Bliss.
*wink*