I am counting down everyday, to the very last day of my service here. Bleah. It is such a bad aftertaste even just thinking about it.
The other day I was musing to myself then my colleague: people always start on a new job all excited and fired up. Almost 90% will declare 'I love my job' in the first three days. However, every time I hear someone wanting to leave, it is always because 'I hate my boss'. Or colleagues. But rarely the job. Sad is it not? When you love your job but got no choice but to leave because you are working with morons and lice.
I still love my job. But I am tired of getting shot down for nothing and having suspicious and small-minded people all around, having to watch my back and cover my backside everyday.
On the bright side, my new job is waiting for me. And it is so much more exciting. I will get to go places, travel! Yea! I have always wanted a job that will bring me places, literally. However, I am also getting a little jittery for the first time since I have been working. Not very confident I can pull off my rank.
HEAD OF MARKETING cum PA to MD. Whew!
But I am getting only the pay of a senior executive alright? Not very high, but more than now. Almost $400 more. Hee. Happy. *contented grin*
But it will not be the last these people here see or hear of me.
I'll Be Back.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I think sometimes I am a bitch.
I like being a bitch.
Being a bitch means I do not have to consider other people's feelings. Being a bitch means I can say what I like, as I like, when I like. Few people cared enough to ask how I feel anyway. So?
Then again, I will not deny that I can be difficult to care for sometimes. That often people who try to show concern only end up with a bruised ego. Eh, no reason to give up trying if you really cared right? Or if you are a true friend. Then again there are many ways of showing concern. Perhaps I am not 'acclimatized' to the method you have chosen.
I always believed that being a friend does not mean you have to know everything about your friend. It is more about being there for your friend when he or she needs you.
It is really sad when you thought you had friends but no one ever asked how you are, even when they know you are unhappy.
Does it take something drastic to jolt us all out of our comfort zone or complacency?
Work will not kill me. But I always believed that one day, either my parents or my friends will.
Wahahaha......
I like being a bitch.
Being a bitch means I do not have to consider other people's feelings. Being a bitch means I can say what I like, as I like, when I like. Few people cared enough to ask how I feel anyway. So?
Then again, I will not deny that I can be difficult to care for sometimes. That often people who try to show concern only end up with a bruised ego. Eh, no reason to give up trying if you really cared right? Or if you are a true friend. Then again there are many ways of showing concern. Perhaps I am not 'acclimatized' to the method you have chosen.
I always believed that being a friend does not mean you have to know everything about your friend. It is more about being there for your friend when he or she needs you.
It is really sad when you thought you had friends but no one ever asked how you are, even when they know you are unhappy.
Does it take something drastic to jolt us all out of our comfort zone or complacency?
Work will not kill me. But I always believed that one day, either my parents or my friends will.
Wahahaha......
Monday, July 18, 2005
Today, for the first time since I resigned, I felt a little sad about leaving. To the point where I was afraid I would tear on my last day. It is because of the people there. Not the people you are thinking about though.
It is those old folks there whom I have come to care for and thought of as I raised funds for them. As I presented their cases and situations to each visiting group as they come. As I defend the policies I stood by. All for them.
And there are the other staff there. All the foreign staff, from the kitchen to the maintenance to the nurses. I will miss all of them. They have taught me humility in this age of self-centredness and arrogance.
This evening, as I informed one of the kitchen cooks I am closer to of my last day, he looked so sad as he was asking me why. As we chatted, I swear his eyes were wet. He said something to me which touched me very much. He told me I was different from the other 'office staff'. That I never looked down on any of them because they are foreign workers and that I have always been approachable, friendly and kindly to them.
I will miss them.
I will the ah gongs and ah mas.
I will NOT miss the people who caused me to resign.
It is those old folks there whom I have come to care for and thought of as I raised funds for them. As I presented their cases and situations to each visiting group as they come. As I defend the policies I stood by. All for them.
And there are the other staff there. All the foreign staff, from the kitchen to the maintenance to the nurses. I will miss all of them. They have taught me humility in this age of self-centredness and arrogance.
This evening, as I informed one of the kitchen cooks I am closer to of my last day, he looked so sad as he was asking me why. As we chatted, I swear his eyes were wet. He said something to me which touched me very much. He told me I was different from the other 'office staff'. That I never looked down on any of them because they are foreign workers and that I have always been approachable, friendly and kindly to them.
I will miss them.
I will the ah gongs and ah mas.
I will NOT miss the people who caused me to resign.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
I could feel the pair of eyes on me all evening.
Even when they think I have forgotten all about them.
And so I stretched out my legs and exposed its nakedness to encourage.
Soon, I could feel the lips on my thigh.
I held out for a little while longer. And then I slowly reached out my hand...
*SMACK*
And I felt its body squished between my palm and my thigh. Blood spattered all over.
Peaceful sleep tonight.
Hee.
Even when they think I have forgotten all about them.
And so I stretched out my legs and exposed its nakedness to encourage.
Soon, I could feel the lips on my thigh.
I held out for a little while longer. And then I slowly reached out my hand...
*SMACK*
And I felt its body squished between my palm and my thigh. Blood spattered all over.
Peaceful sleep tonight.
Hee.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
| Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde |
 You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content. |
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Another 21 minutes more to going home.
Home.
On time at 6.
Sometimes these buffoons I work with make me want to yell out at them. Then I remind myself; if they are to proud to come ask you, you are not obliged to say anything. After all, you are leaving in three weeks time. 17 days more. 'luuunnn'
Guess who bought me lunch today? In fact make a guess to who stopped by the roadside to give me a ride and save me a walk to the office yesterday morning?
Haha.
Best still, guess which buffoon told me to write my own testimonial?
I think it is just a reflection of VERY BAD MANAGEMENT by the buffoon who got promoted anyway. For being a buffoon. Huh. How about I write my own recommendation to promote me and give me a raise to keep me with the organisation?
Idiot.
Make that idiots.
Home.
On time at 6.
Sometimes these buffoons I work with make me want to yell out at them. Then I remind myself; if they are to proud to come ask you, you are not obliged to say anything. After all, you are leaving in three weeks time. 17 days more. 'luuunnn'
Guess who bought me lunch today? In fact make a guess to who stopped by the roadside to give me a ride and save me a walk to the office yesterday morning?
Haha.
Best still, guess which buffoon told me to write my own testimonial?
I think it is just a reflection of VERY BAD MANAGEMENT by the buffoon who got promoted anyway. For being a buffoon. Huh. How about I write my own recommendation to promote me and give me a raise to keep me with the organisation?
Idiot.
Make that idiots.
Monday, July 11, 2005
I do feel pretty isolated nowadays. Sometimes downright lonely. Friends and people I once held close never call or enquire about me anymore. Drifted away somehow.
Did I drive them away?
I just wanted to assert myself and my opinions. I am tired of always being the understanding one and being the one to give in and concede all the time. Just because I voice out my wants and thoughts does not mean I am egoistic or selfish. How about trying to understand me for once if we are really such good friends?
Then again, maybe friendships lost mean time to make new friends. Time to grow and mature. Time to move on.
Sounds cruel? The world was never kind to me in the first place.
Who cared to ask how did my day go?
Who is concerned about how I am feeling?
Who tried to make me feel important?
Last night, my father was gushing on about his friend's daughter and how talented she is to take part in a singing competition. When did he ever feel proud of anything I have done? Attending my performances were always a chore to him and he always rather stay home to watch tv. I could count on my fingers the number of times he was in the audience throughout my years of singing and dancing. Yet I lost count of the number of times he had hit me and tore me down.
Don't come telling me I am hard and harsh. I never experienced gentleness from the world.
I hate my life.
Did I drive them away?
I just wanted to assert myself and my opinions. I am tired of always being the understanding one and being the one to give in and concede all the time. Just because I voice out my wants and thoughts does not mean I am egoistic or selfish. How about trying to understand me for once if we are really such good friends?
Then again, maybe friendships lost mean time to make new friends. Time to grow and mature. Time to move on.
Sounds cruel? The world was never kind to me in the first place.
Who cared to ask how did my day go?
Who is concerned about how I am feeling?
Who tried to make me feel important?
Last night, my father was gushing on about his friend's daughter and how talented she is to take part in a singing competition. When did he ever feel proud of anything I have done? Attending my performances were always a chore to him and he always rather stay home to watch tv. I could count on my fingers the number of times he was in the audience throughout my years of singing and dancing. Yet I lost count of the number of times he had hit me and tore me down.
Don't come telling me I am hard and harsh. I never experienced gentleness from the world.
I hate my life.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Loneliness Quotient: 54%
Your Personalized Assessment Report:
Your LQ score is a bit on the higher end, meaning you've got some issues that need to be worked out. We will examine them and then suggest possible remedies. One of your weak points is the situation with your friends, who are one source of your loneliness problem. This is an area that needs attention. Additionally, some family-related issues are partly to blame for your level of loneliness. Solving family issues can often be tricky, but doing so will improve your score. Your romantic life is another source of some dissatisfaction. It is imperative that improvements be made in this area to lower your LQ. Finding a guy to share your life with will help. Luckily, shyness is not a setback for you, which makes resolving the sources of your loneliness easier. It's a shame that your area doesn't have a lot of like-minded people, which is one factor making it difficult to lower your LQ further. Finally, a bright spot for you is that you don't suffer any major insecurity issues. This fact helps keep your LQ lower than what it might have been.Take the Loneliness Quotient Test at Dating Diversions
HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD BELIEVE THIS? (psst, let me know)
| Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Wealthy/Ambitious - You know what your goals are and you pursue them vigourously. Achieving success is important to you. | Your date match profile: Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. |
Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Adventurous 3. Wealthy/Ambitious 4. Religious 5. Big-Hearted 6. Practical 7. Intellectual 8. Traditional 9. Outgoing 10. Sensual | Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Practical 3. Conservative 4. Religious 5. Adventurous 6. Intellectual 7. Sensual 8. Traditional 9. Funny 10. Athletic |
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions
LINE UP RIGHT HERE MEN....
I hate conflicts. You mean no one knew?! That is why I always prefer nipping things in the bud before they get out of hand. Once they do, I usually just fade away, far from the gunfiring. I do not like talking about things once it has exploded as well, because I feel both parties will be too defensive to listen to anything, myself included. I would rather wait till I can recall the incident and no longer feel any pinch, then I go ask about it. Different people need different lengths of cooling periods, for different matters. Sometimes I calm down very fast, sometimes it takes a while. But I never believe that you hold a grudge forever. I know I do not.
I hate assumptions too. It hurts everyone when meanings are misinterpreted and emotions run wild following that. I am sometimes guilty of assuming too, but I always consciously remind myself I should not. And I apologize for it. When people assume, a few things happen: you feel hurt, you hurt others, you do not bother to find out the truth, you do not listen to the truth. Always remember that 'ASS U ME = assume'. Especially if you are not aware of ALL the details and heads and tails of the issue, DO NOT join in. You will only fan the flames stronger.
No matter how bad things go, I never tell anyone goodbye and that I am leaving for good. As mentioned earlier, no grudges are forever. It just takes time to cool things down. Remember the song that goes 'And friends are friends forever, If the Lord's the Lord of them; And a friend will not say never, 'Cause the welcome will not end'. We cannot choose family, or the bratty sister and annoying brother. But we sure as hell chose our friends. To have chosen EACH OTHER, there must be some karma cosmic at play. Do I not see nods?
Things are getting very ugly, and unpleasant. But if I am seen as the perpetrator here, then go ahead and stone me if it makes everyone happier.
I just believe that as friends, you cannot tell them how to think or what to do. The best is just to listen and be around when they need you. Perhaps I have not listened enough myself. Perhaps no one listened when I talked. But at this point it is no longer important, because it seems that there are alot more other issues at play here than 'who did not call whom'.
I hate assumptions too. It hurts everyone when meanings are misinterpreted and emotions run wild following that. I am sometimes guilty of assuming too, but I always consciously remind myself I should not. And I apologize for it. When people assume, a few things happen: you feel hurt, you hurt others, you do not bother to find out the truth, you do not listen to the truth. Always remember that 'ASS U ME = assume'. Especially if you are not aware of ALL the details and heads and tails of the issue, DO NOT join in. You will only fan the flames stronger.
No matter how bad things go, I never tell anyone goodbye and that I am leaving for good. As mentioned earlier, no grudges are forever. It just takes time to cool things down. Remember the song that goes 'And friends are friends forever, If the Lord's the Lord of them; And a friend will not say never, 'Cause the welcome will not end'. We cannot choose family, or the bratty sister and annoying brother. But we sure as hell chose our friends. To have chosen EACH OTHER, there must be some karma cosmic at play. Do I not see nods?
Things are getting very ugly, and unpleasant. But if I am seen as the perpetrator here, then go ahead and stone me if it makes everyone happier.
I just believe that as friends, you cannot tell them how to think or what to do. The best is just to listen and be around when they need you. Perhaps I have not listened enough myself. Perhaps no one listened when I talked. But at this point it is no longer important, because it seems that there are alot more other issues at play here than 'who did not call whom'.
 You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
Good Morning!
Yet to start working, but I am at work.
Why?
I have no work to do! Yippie!
*************************************************************************************
Throw all the boycotts you can think up to me. Find all sorts of false reasons and claims to sully my name.
In fact do everything you can to make me the bad person. Do your worst. Strike your lowest blow.
You think Missy me first day in society ah? I have seen nastier people than you and beat them all flat.
Haha.
To think that you are all my bosses and you are behaving in such a childish manner and so unprofessional somemore.
Again, this lesson is drummed into me and rings oh-so-true once more: Your bosses and organisation will never be loyal to you in this time and day. So no obligation on your part to be loyal either. Go where the money is! Yeah!
Haha.
*************************************************************************************
Was reading the papers this morning when I came across this article where a female journalist was threatened by the court with a jail sentence unless she breaks her promise to her source and reveal who it is. And she stood by her promise and would rather go to jail. 'Your Honour, I cannot break my word just to stay out of jail.' She also said that she 'does not make confidential pledges lightly but when I do, I must honour them.' Her honest and unselfish motive is only to ensure that when a confidentiality promise is made it has to be respected or there will be no credibility in the journalist and it is the public who will suffer ultimately.
Sigh. How many times have we made promises flippantly and broken it just as conveniently when it interferes with our 'life'?
Promises or as some call it, Word of Honour, is just that to me. If I have promised you something, I will fulfill it even if I am inconvenienced in the end. It means alot to me that people can trust me based on my words alone and it becomes a legacy to my name. That to me is more precious and harder to come by than all the fame and glory that can be bestowed.
I hope I am true to my belief.
Yet to start working, but I am at work.
Why?
I have no work to do! Yippie!
*************************************************************************************
Throw all the boycotts you can think up to me. Find all sorts of false reasons and claims to sully my name.
In fact do everything you can to make me the bad person. Do your worst. Strike your lowest blow.
You think Missy me first day in society ah? I have seen nastier people than you and beat them all flat.
Haha.
To think that you are all my bosses and you are behaving in such a childish manner and so unprofessional somemore.
Again, this lesson is drummed into me and rings oh-so-true once more: Your bosses and organisation will never be loyal to you in this time and day. So no obligation on your part to be loyal either. Go where the money is! Yeah!
Haha.
*************************************************************************************
Was reading the papers this morning when I came across this article where a female journalist was threatened by the court with a jail sentence unless she breaks her promise to her source and reveal who it is. And she stood by her promise and would rather go to jail. 'Your Honour, I cannot break my word just to stay out of jail.' She also said that she 'does not make confidential pledges lightly but when I do, I must honour them.' Her honest and unselfish motive is only to ensure that when a confidentiality promise is made it has to be respected or there will be no credibility in the journalist and it is the public who will suffer ultimately.
Sigh. How many times have we made promises flippantly and broken it just as conveniently when it interferes with our 'life'?
Promises or as some call it, Word of Honour, is just that to me. If I have promised you something, I will fulfill it even if I am inconvenienced in the end. It means alot to me that people can trust me based on my words alone and it becomes a legacy to my name. That to me is more precious and harder to come by than all the fame and glory that can be bestowed.
I hope I am true to my belief.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
You know it is time to move on and there is no mistake about it when your superiors start to nitpick on you over things that happened a year ago, and only when it comes to you, even when your department colleagues are behaving the same.
All these false pretences and call for unnecessary protocols only to bog one down.
Unfortunately, it is during such a nitpicking session that I tendered my resignation and they believe that it is in retaliation. I am not so free ok?
I just do not want to continue working in a place where there is no trust amongst the colleagues, and between the management and staff; but loads of gossiping and rumour-mongering to go around. In addition to the games and politics the Board people like to dabble in and often drag the staff in as well. Did I mention that the staff here also behave and pledge their allegience according to the current favourite or power-wielding person of the day?
They are telling me they have an issue with my reporting time. How come they never had any problem with my knock-off time then? And I do not even claim for every hour I am doing extra. It is not like I like working late ok? Stop scheduling your meetings for after 6 in the evening then! Who are the ones who ALWAYS cannot find me?? You have my mobile number but if you are not calling me is that my fault? Others who genuinely want to find me always find me. At the end of the day, do I not always deliver what had been assigned to me, with pretty good results may I add?
So it seems that they prefer people who report to work on time, but leave on the dot just as religiously BUT never had any substantial results to show for. So the culture is, just be visible. Never mind if you do not achieve anything or raised any money. Best, remove yourself and any idea of doing anything out of routine. Keep the balance. Do not bother about creating events and projects to rasie funds or publicity. Just stick around for head count.
I work for results. Not for appearances. I do not ask how your job is done why ask how I do mine? You paid me to work; not to gossip or tell-tales or bootlick. You paid me for my ideas; not for me to dabble in office politics or adhere to protocols, which are all wrong in the first place!
So I am done with what I can do here.
All these false pretences and call for unnecessary protocols only to bog one down.
Unfortunately, it is during such a nitpicking session that I tendered my resignation and they believe that it is in retaliation. I am not so free ok?
I just do not want to continue working in a place where there is no trust amongst the colleagues, and between the management and staff; but loads of gossiping and rumour-mongering to go around. In addition to the games and politics the Board people like to dabble in and often drag the staff in as well. Did I mention that the staff here also behave and pledge their allegience according to the current favourite or power-wielding person of the day?
They are telling me they have an issue with my reporting time. How come they never had any problem with my knock-off time then? And I do not even claim for every hour I am doing extra. It is not like I like working late ok? Stop scheduling your meetings for after 6 in the evening then! Who are the ones who ALWAYS cannot find me?? You have my mobile number but if you are not calling me is that my fault? Others who genuinely want to find me always find me. At the end of the day, do I not always deliver what had been assigned to me, with pretty good results may I add?
So it seems that they prefer people who report to work on time, but leave on the dot just as religiously BUT never had any substantial results to show for. So the culture is, just be visible. Never mind if you do not achieve anything or raised any money. Best, remove yourself and any idea of doing anything out of routine. Keep the balance. Do not bother about creating events and projects to rasie funds or publicity. Just stick around for head count.
I work for results. Not for appearances. I do not ask how your job is done why ask how I do mine? You paid me to work; not to gossip or tell-tales or bootlick. You paid me for my ideas; not for me to dabble in office politics or adhere to protocols, which are all wrong in the first place!
So I am done with what I can do here.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
For the first time in a long long time, I am actually quite free in the office. So free, I can afford to type my blog. What is happening? Well, like I said yesterday, I think there is a conspiracy to keep me out of the current projects, not only those under the mad bitch, but also those I used to handle previously. Well, thou shalt not fret. I am resigning anyway. Hehe...
My back is aching quite a bit suddenly for no apparent reason. Making me woozy and nauseous with the ache. Strange...
Time to surf porn with the free time I have now. Haha...
My back is aching quite a bit suddenly for no apparent reason. Making me woozy and nauseous with the ache. Strange...
Time to surf porn with the free time I have now. Haha...
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I think I am a very unforgiving person. Either that or I have an elephant's memory.
I am very tired. Head has been heavy the whole day and now my eyes can barely stay open.
Thanks to my two friends who have helped me decide between the two job offers. Thanks brothers.
I am also feeling more detached each time the group of friends meet up. It is almost as if there is nothing left to say between us and nothing about me that you will care to know either.
Or maybe I am just an attention-seeking girl, after all these time...
Goodnight.
I am very tired. Head has been heavy the whole day and now my eyes can barely stay open.
Thanks to my two friends who have helped me decide between the two job offers. Thanks brothers.
I am also feeling more detached each time the group of friends meet up. It is almost as if there is nothing left to say between us and nothing about me that you will care to know either.
Or maybe I am just an attention-seeking girl, after all these time...
Goodnight.
I have a feeling I am being ostracised by my colleagues. This is what happens when you go for a long break I guess. But my suspicions are that this new round of ostracism is being fueled by the people on top. For what reasons I have no idea at all. So why do I say that? Why for example, the projects that I handed over to them before I left are still half-completed or not even started. So I asked if they want to pass it back to me to do. Both said no. Not even when they have quite a bit to handle. So how? Wait for work to drop onto my laps ah? People who know me will know I am not like that. So I start new proposals for new projects again! Only thing is I will probably have left by the time they are to be executed so how? I plan and they do shit-work later lor! Haha...
This morning, my newly promoted administration manager asked me into his room and told me that 'some of the directors not very pleased with your reporting time'. DUH. I just came back from a 6-week break. What reporting time are you talking about? And from the log-in book that we were suppose to fill in daily now, I see that the 2 other girls have been reporting at past 10 too, since I have been away. So?!? Why this double-standard?
And about this newly promoted manager... I have my suspicions about him for a while now. Before the promotion he was only a senior administration executive. And he joined much later than me. Yet now he is given a promotion while I get demoted of sorts, with the hire of two new girls in April and now another senior PR executive being hired and reporting in August. What is this?! Did I mention we are to REPORT to this SENIOR person? Anyway, back that new manager... I have been suspecting he was the one telling my Executive Director rumours and nonsense about the reasons I wanted to resign initially. Come on, there is no one else I spoke to about my leaving then. Only he knows enough to spin and distort a whole new tale to others from what I said.
Hmpf! Want me to report to someone just because she is older than me and capabilities yet to be proven? Wait long long.
I will be gone before then.
This morning, my newly promoted administration manager asked me into his room and told me that 'some of the directors not very pleased with your reporting time'. DUH. I just came back from a 6-week break. What reporting time are you talking about? And from the log-in book that we were suppose to fill in daily now, I see that the 2 other girls have been reporting at past 10 too, since I have been away. So?!? Why this double-standard?
And about this newly promoted manager... I have my suspicions about him for a while now. Before the promotion he was only a senior administration executive. And he joined much later than me. Yet now he is given a promotion while I get demoted of sorts, with the hire of two new girls in April and now another senior PR executive being hired and reporting in August. What is this?! Did I mention we are to REPORT to this SENIOR person? Anyway, back that new manager... I have been suspecting he was the one telling my Executive Director rumours and nonsense about the reasons I wanted to resign initially. Come on, there is no one else I spoke to about my leaving then. Only he knows enough to spin and distort a whole new tale to others from what I said.
Hmpf! Want me to report to someone just because she is older than me and capabilities yet to be proven? Wait long long.
I will be gone before then.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Sometimes I feel like a hedgehog. Sometimes I think I make myself out to be a hedgehog.
Have you not ever felt that you actually want company and a kind word or a strong shoulder to lean on but you keep doing things to push the people who have offered far away from you? It is hard to explain or justify why you did that but I guess it arises from a fear of judgement and failing to live up to expectations. Which is another point: why are we living life through other people's expectations of us? Or why are we afraid of letting those people who have high expectations of us down? Should we not live for ourselves, the way we want? Why should we be so bothered about how others will see us then?
I remember the times when I have built a wall around myself against the world, and against love. That was a long time ago. And while I was not happy, I was never hurt either. Then I was persuaded over time to bring down the wall, and when I did so I experienced hurt and pain and disappointment for the first time.
Now although I have no walls around me, and hurt is a thing of the past, I am happy.
In a senseless, morbid, hopeless kind of way. If you get what I mean. But I am happy for now.
Have you not ever felt that you actually want company and a kind word or a strong shoulder to lean on but you keep doing things to push the people who have offered far away from you? It is hard to explain or justify why you did that but I guess it arises from a fear of judgement and failing to live up to expectations. Which is another point: why are we living life through other people's expectations of us? Or why are we afraid of letting those people who have high expectations of us down? Should we not live for ourselves, the way we want? Why should we be so bothered about how others will see us then?
I remember the times when I have built a wall around myself against the world, and against love. That was a long time ago. And while I was not happy, I was never hurt either. Then I was persuaded over time to bring down the wall, and when I did so I experienced hurt and pain and disappointment for the first time.
Now although I have no walls around me, and hurt is a thing of the past, I am happy.
In a senseless, morbid, hopeless kind of way. If you get what I mean. But I am happy for now.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Friday, July 01, 2005
Just caught the pizza commercial on TV. Made me wonder if I am the type of parent who will grab the opportunities to celebrate everything little thing about my child, especially my first child. Haha, I just might. But if I do, please remind me to do the same with my second, third, fourth child too... Every child should be special and made to feel special. No reason why only the first one gets it because he or she was still a novelty then. Yep, I think in a morbid sort of way first-borns are like novelty to the parents and extended family. Let us see if your crowd of friends are still excited over a new young member if there have already been a few of them running around the place. Do I sound jealous or bitter? Not really, just reflective.
Anyway, went for the second round of putting my spine in place yesterday. While the actual treatment did not hurt much, the after-effect was that I got quite drowsy and a little sore as time went on. Guess this goes with the theory that this is part of the 'expulsion' process. What is there to expel? Well, basically if you never or hardly believed in Chinese medicine, you would just dismiss it all as hogwash. But according to the doctor's explanation and my own understanding, it is the expulsion of 'air' from my body. Where did those air come from? Well, how did you think I was able to keep blowing my trumpet all these time? Haha, just kidding. But I suppose most of you would agree... It seems that the core of all my health problems arise from the fact that I have a very weak digestive system. So because of incomplete or incompetent digestion, I am thus beridden with a whole list of other problems.
Wait a minute! What has my digestive tract got to do with my spinal cord now? Hehe... Confusing right? Go read up on Chinese medicine abit. It is really not as nonsensical as it seems. After all, the Chinese have been depending on it for thousands of years, spreading the practice even to Japan and Korea and now the 'ang mohs' have no choice but also concede that many of the theories are sound and logical. Hey, our 'gahmen' also approved it already. Why are you still so unaccepting? Haha.
In any case, the treatment means I ahve to lay off exercise and carrying heavy load for a while. Another good excuse, endorsed by the doc no less, to do less around the place. Haha.
Sigh, why is it that whenever the good times are about to end then you find that you actually have many more things you would like to do? Hee... starting work next week. I am looking forward to that in a way but these two days I suddenly have many projects and plans that I wanted to put in place. The least of it is arranging to go Sentosa with a friend, but alas before the excursion I have to go back to work. Darn!
Well, instead of procrastinating away, I have decided to finish up what I have started and promised before the day is up today and I am too fixed in my weekend routine to do anything then. Hehe.
Anyway, went for the second round of putting my spine in place yesterday. While the actual treatment did not hurt much, the after-effect was that I got quite drowsy and a little sore as time went on. Guess this goes with the theory that this is part of the 'expulsion' process. What is there to expel? Well, basically if you never or hardly believed in Chinese medicine, you would just dismiss it all as hogwash. But according to the doctor's explanation and my own understanding, it is the expulsion of 'air' from my body. Where did those air come from? Well, how did you think I was able to keep blowing my trumpet all these time? Haha, just kidding. But I suppose most of you would agree... It seems that the core of all my health problems arise from the fact that I have a very weak digestive system. So because of incomplete or incompetent digestion, I am thus beridden with a whole list of other problems.
Wait a minute! What has my digestive tract got to do with my spinal cord now? Hehe... Confusing right? Go read up on Chinese medicine abit. It is really not as nonsensical as it seems. After all, the Chinese have been depending on it for thousands of years, spreading the practice even to Japan and Korea and now the 'ang mohs' have no choice but also concede that many of the theories are sound and logical. Hey, our 'gahmen' also approved it already. Why are you still so unaccepting? Haha.
In any case, the treatment means I ahve to lay off exercise and carrying heavy load for a while. Another good excuse, endorsed by the doc no less, to do less around the place. Haha.
Sigh, why is it that whenever the good times are about to end then you find that you actually have many more things you would like to do? Hee... starting work next week. I am looking forward to that in a way but these two days I suddenly have many projects and plans that I wanted to put in place. The least of it is arranging to go Sentosa with a friend, but alas before the excursion I have to go back to work. Darn!
Well, instead of procrastinating away, I have decided to finish up what I have started and promised before the day is up today and I am too fixed in my weekend routine to do anything then. Hehe.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Went to the dentist yesterday. Parted with $135. Told to go back for a few more sessions.
Dentist says got slight gum infections. Haha... That is for not visiting the dentist once in 5,6 years time... Reason? No more free dental checks mah... Hey! Going to the dentist costs so much more than seeing a doctor. Just look at my above 'first-visit' bill. Shudder to think about the subsequent ones...
Went to a Chinese massage physician today to have a look at my back. Parted with another $70 for this.
Well. Told that my spine is curved at both ends, in different directions, plus a shift in two of my vertabrae near the tail-bone, in both directions too! Gee. Wow. Not too sure about the two curvatures, but quite certain the shift of the two veterbrae is because of my fall earlier this year. Heard the entire length of my spine go click-clack-cluck one after another. Kind of 'shiok'. As I have confessed to many before, I am some sort of a masochist. I enjoy pain. Haha...
The treatment/massage/bonesetting did not hurt. But upon arriving home, the entire back felt kind of funny. It doesn't hurt. But it feels kind of tender but not quite, in short I am just a little more than worried about moving too much. Got to go back tomorrow for a follow-up. See what he says...
Ok... spend spend spend. While some of you continue envying me for my long break, remember: it is NO PAY! So come tomorrow twelve noon, I am not getting a single cent deposited into my account. Haha. Eat air for the coming month. So much for the weight I have put on this month... Sigh.
Dentist says got slight gum infections. Haha... That is for not visiting the dentist once in 5,6 years time... Reason? No more free dental checks mah... Hey! Going to the dentist costs so much more than seeing a doctor. Just look at my above 'first-visit' bill. Shudder to think about the subsequent ones...
Went to a Chinese massage physician today to have a look at my back. Parted with another $70 for this.
Well. Told that my spine is curved at both ends, in different directions, plus a shift in two of my vertabrae near the tail-bone, in both directions too! Gee. Wow. Not too sure about the two curvatures, but quite certain the shift of the two veterbrae is because of my fall earlier this year. Heard the entire length of my spine go click-clack-cluck one after another. Kind of 'shiok'. As I have confessed to many before, I am some sort of a masochist. I enjoy pain. Haha...
The treatment/massage/bonesetting did not hurt. But upon arriving home, the entire back felt kind of funny. It doesn't hurt. But it feels kind of tender but not quite, in short I am just a little more than worried about moving too much. Got to go back tomorrow for a follow-up. See what he says...
Ok... spend spend spend. While some of you continue envying me for my long break, remember: it is NO PAY! So come tomorrow twelve noon, I am not getting a single cent deposited into my account. Haha. Eat air for the coming month. So much for the weight I have put on this month... Sigh.
Friday, June 24, 2005
ok, one more week before I am back to work. Let me give a little account of my trip before the sizzle dies again. As I have recounted to a few friends, the trip was good; the companion was shit. Ha, who did I go travelling with to garner such a conclusion from me? He was my poly classmate and he had worked as my assistant for a while last year. Yeah, it was a 'he' I went travelling alone with. Unfortunately or fortunately, love sparks did not fly between us. *Phew*
We had decided to go together because we were interested in going into partnership together for business and this trip was to recce the market situation in China and the business potential for us there. So nothing romantic; but nonetheless, I do not think it warrants the kind of treatment he rendered me.
Throughout the trip from Singapore to Guangzhou to Shanghai and finally to Beijing, he was nothing but full of whinings and comments like a woman.
On arrival in Zhuhai, while waiting for a relative's friend to meet us he complained about having to wait for her.
In the evening when we were picked up by another friend of my relative and taken to dinner, he asked why did I not order lobster and abalone since they are buying dinner. Never mind if it was said in jest or not. It was simply poor taste and bad unbringing to say such things in the first place.
The next morning, he complained about having to get up so early in the morning, when it was he who said he wanted to go 'climb mountain'. My relative's friend was kind enough to offer to bring us there. On top of that, he made such horrible obscene noises every morning as he is waking up with no regard for my presence. When I asked him if this was to be expected every morning he gave a very quick and unapologetic 'yes'. When I further asked if I am to just accept it he told me 'ya, get used to it'. The audacity of that.
The following 2 days while we shopped around town, it was the norm thing for him to stop and look at things because 'we are on holiday leh'; but if I did the same I was 'wasting time'. How much more rude can he get? Read on.
My very best friend had moved to Guangzhou prior to my arrival and she came to meet us and bring us around for meals. The very first meal, which was a late night supper, came to a bill of over 500 yuan, which amounts to approximately over $100. Why is a late night supper so costly when food cost is supposed to be very low in Guangzhou? Because the fool requested all the 'exotic food', like the snakes and bugs and 'elephant clam' you saw in the earlier photos. And he only took a bit of each. Needless to say, my friend paid for the meals. For each of the subsequent meals, my friend and her hubby took us to quaint little restaurants to try many different cuisines.
At this point, he kept bugging me about having to buy them a meal back after having imposed on them. Now, my friend and I are as close as sisters, and I have talked to her in private and the understanding is that she and her husband want to play hosts to us (Not to mention our friendship goes beyond a few meals). So with this understanding I told him not to worry and I would let him know if we should buy dinner or not. However, being the smart aleck he thinks he is, on our last lunch before we left for Shanghai, he went to settle the bill on the pretext of going to toilet. Now the embarassing thing for him is that the restaurant and China in general, did not recognise his 'H_ _C credit card'. O...kay. Who's embarassed now?
On both train rides to Shanghai and then to Beijing, he did not display any kind of travel companion camaraderie nor the least sign of having looked out for me because I am his friend and a female. He did not offer help or even ask if I am alright with my luggage throuhout the entire journey. Heck, the strangers on the train were nicer to me than he even tried to be.
We ate when he was hungry and saw things he wants to see. And even before arriving in Shanghai, he kept telling me he wants to go off on his own. Duh. Not that I am helpless without him, but we are after all in a foreign city and travelling together, what is this attitude of wanting to go off on your own? Never mind I am a girl. Because the fact that I am female is never an issue he ever acknowledged, judging by his behaviour.
I got lost twice in Shanghai, the first I took the wrong bus and had to walk my way back and the second time I took a wrong turn and made a huge detour. Both times he did not show concern as one would normally when a friend gets lost in a foreign place. In fact, the second time round, the moment he saw me walking in he asked me 'which country did you walk from?'. Never mind that I would probably not have made the wrong turn if he HAD given the map to me instead of keeping it for himself. Best of all, after saying that to me and showing not even the least bit of concern for me, he told me he 'shopped too much and bought to many things', meaning his bags are bursting and asked if I had any space in my bags. Which I did. Both my bags were only half full, but I pretended I did not hear him or get what he meant. Call me petty but if he had been more courteous and considerate towards me I would not have been so petty. What happened next only affirmed my decision not to be nice was right. He insisted I had remembered wrongly the amount of money he had to pay me for the accommodation and told me to go 'check it again with the reception cashier'. Come on, I was not the one who overspent on my shopping. Why should I be the one paying for you?
And when we reached Beijing, I had made up my mind not to let him tag along with me to get free stay in the hotel my uncle was working for. Why let him have such a good deal when he had been most ungentlemanly so far? Alas, he did not get my hints to buzz off and so still stuck with me for 2 nights in the hotel before going off to find his friend. You see, staying with me is such a good deal. You get to eat and stay for free in an international 5-star hotel in Beijing, not to mention the room and laundry services that comes complimentary as well. He was such an ass that he was rude not only to me but also to my uncle and auntie. He did not even manage the basic courtersy of greeting them.
He spared no effort at telling me repeatedly, how he is 'very good-looking' and I am not. Especially when we were in Shanghai. 'Wah see, even the most common looking Shanghai-mei here is prettier than you'. Duh. He is the last person I need to have thinking and agreeing with my looks. Besides, only he thinks his huge nose is good-looking. I think it just looks HUGE.
So, that was my trip. With an ass for a companion. Wait, at least the ass would have helped me with the luggages and not make rude noises in the morning when it woke up.
I have no idea what to compare him to, but reckons it will insult whatever it is I choose.
As for the business partnership, forget it. I had written him off even before we left Guangzhou.
So there goes my recount of having travelled with an obnoxious, selfish, arrogant, chauvinistic, conceited man who behaves more like a boy.
Haha.
We had decided to go together because we were interested in going into partnership together for business and this trip was to recce the market situation in China and the business potential for us there. So nothing romantic; but nonetheless, I do not think it warrants the kind of treatment he rendered me.
Throughout the trip from Singapore to Guangzhou to Shanghai and finally to Beijing, he was nothing but full of whinings and comments like a woman.
On arrival in Zhuhai, while waiting for a relative's friend to meet us he complained about having to wait for her.
In the evening when we were picked up by another friend of my relative and taken to dinner, he asked why did I not order lobster and abalone since they are buying dinner. Never mind if it was said in jest or not. It was simply poor taste and bad unbringing to say such things in the first place.
The next morning, he complained about having to get up so early in the morning, when it was he who said he wanted to go 'climb mountain'. My relative's friend was kind enough to offer to bring us there. On top of that, he made such horrible obscene noises every morning as he is waking up with no regard for my presence. When I asked him if this was to be expected every morning he gave a very quick and unapologetic 'yes'. When I further asked if I am to just accept it he told me 'ya, get used to it'. The audacity of that.
The following 2 days while we shopped around town, it was the norm thing for him to stop and look at things because 'we are on holiday leh'; but if I did the same I was 'wasting time'. How much more rude can he get? Read on.
My very best friend had moved to Guangzhou prior to my arrival and she came to meet us and bring us around for meals. The very first meal, which was a late night supper, came to a bill of over 500 yuan, which amounts to approximately over $100. Why is a late night supper so costly when food cost is supposed to be very low in Guangzhou? Because the fool requested all the 'exotic food', like the snakes and bugs and 'elephant clam' you saw in the earlier photos. And he only took a bit of each. Needless to say, my friend paid for the meals. For each of the subsequent meals, my friend and her hubby took us to quaint little restaurants to try many different cuisines.
At this point, he kept bugging me about having to buy them a meal back after having imposed on them. Now, my friend and I are as close as sisters, and I have talked to her in private and the understanding is that she and her husband want to play hosts to us (Not to mention our friendship goes beyond a few meals). So with this understanding I told him not to worry and I would let him know if we should buy dinner or not. However, being the smart aleck he thinks he is, on our last lunch before we left for Shanghai, he went to settle the bill on the pretext of going to toilet. Now the embarassing thing for him is that the restaurant and China in general, did not recognise his 'H_ _C credit card'. O...kay. Who's embarassed now?
On both train rides to Shanghai and then to Beijing, he did not display any kind of travel companion camaraderie nor the least sign of having looked out for me because I am his friend and a female. He did not offer help or even ask if I am alright with my luggage throuhout the entire journey. Heck, the strangers on the train were nicer to me than he even tried to be.
We ate when he was hungry and saw things he wants to see. And even before arriving in Shanghai, he kept telling me he wants to go off on his own. Duh. Not that I am helpless without him, but we are after all in a foreign city and travelling together, what is this attitude of wanting to go off on your own? Never mind I am a girl. Because the fact that I am female is never an issue he ever acknowledged, judging by his behaviour.
I got lost twice in Shanghai, the first I took the wrong bus and had to walk my way back and the second time I took a wrong turn and made a huge detour. Both times he did not show concern as one would normally when a friend gets lost in a foreign place. In fact, the second time round, the moment he saw me walking in he asked me 'which country did you walk from?'. Never mind that I would probably not have made the wrong turn if he HAD given the map to me instead of keeping it for himself. Best of all, after saying that to me and showing not even the least bit of concern for me, he told me he 'shopped too much and bought to many things', meaning his bags are bursting and asked if I had any space in my bags. Which I did. Both my bags were only half full, but I pretended I did not hear him or get what he meant. Call me petty but if he had been more courteous and considerate towards me I would not have been so petty. What happened next only affirmed my decision not to be nice was right. He insisted I had remembered wrongly the amount of money he had to pay me for the accommodation and told me to go 'check it again with the reception cashier'. Come on, I was not the one who overspent on my shopping. Why should I be the one paying for you?
And when we reached Beijing, I had made up my mind not to let him tag along with me to get free stay in the hotel my uncle was working for. Why let him have such a good deal when he had been most ungentlemanly so far? Alas, he did not get my hints to buzz off and so still stuck with me for 2 nights in the hotel before going off to find his friend. You see, staying with me is such a good deal. You get to eat and stay for free in an international 5-star hotel in Beijing, not to mention the room and laundry services that comes complimentary as well. He was such an ass that he was rude not only to me but also to my uncle and auntie. He did not even manage the basic courtersy of greeting them.
He spared no effort at telling me repeatedly, how he is 'very good-looking' and I am not. Especially when we were in Shanghai. 'Wah see, even the most common looking Shanghai-mei here is prettier than you'. Duh. He is the last person I need to have thinking and agreeing with my looks. Besides, only he thinks his huge nose is good-looking. I think it just looks HUGE.
So, that was my trip. With an ass for a companion. Wait, at least the ass would have helped me with the luggages and not make rude noises in the morning when it woke up.
I have no idea what to compare him to, but reckons it will insult whatever it is I choose.
As for the business partnership, forget it. I had written him off even before we left Guangzhou.
So there goes my recount of having travelled with an obnoxious, selfish, arrogant, chauvinistic, conceited man who behaves more like a boy.
Haha.
Monday, June 20, 2005
I am still on leave. Hee.
Frankly speaking the things I had planned to do when I applied for the leave, I have only accomplish one: that is to sleep as much as I want. Wahaha. Decandent? I agree. But it is why I took the leave what; could never get enough while working. So far although I can't claim 'shiok' yet, I do feel the stress slipping away.
Anyway, some of you have been wondering about my most recent trip to China, and my numerous return trips there. Hee... I am having a long-distance relationship with a cheena man mah... Haha... Ok I will write about it soon. Still wondering if I should smear someone's smelly name online with what I write.
I have decided that when I return to work I shall (once again) tender my resignation. Before I came to this decision I was still wavering a little, especially after coming home from China, but since hearing some of the latest happenings in the management board while I was away, I have convinced myself. Besides, someone told me there's no such thing as loyalty to company anymore. Because the company will not be loyal to you anyway. True true. Companies only care about their profit margins at the end of the year and in my case, it is the amount of funds brought in and how much limelight I propel my directors into; never mind that they are claiming credit for my work and sweat. Till now, I have not seen any sign of appreciation of their part and I believe I have been 'loyal' enough.
I did some thinking during my long train rides across China and have drafted some sort of outline for my actions hereafter. Will sort them out before I post them online for all to comment(criticise).
So before that, some photos for you all in the meanwhile...
Frankly speaking the things I had planned to do when I applied for the leave, I have only accomplish one: that is to sleep as much as I want. Wahaha. Decandent? I agree. But it is why I took the leave what; could never get enough while working. So far although I can't claim 'shiok' yet, I do feel the stress slipping away.
Anyway, some of you have been wondering about my most recent trip to China, and my numerous return trips there. Hee... I am having a long-distance relationship with a cheena man mah... Haha... Ok I will write about it soon. Still wondering if I should smear someone's smelly name online with what I write.
I have decided that when I return to work I shall (once again) tender my resignation. Before I came to this decision I was still wavering a little, especially after coming home from China, but since hearing some of the latest happenings in the management board while I was away, I have convinced myself. Besides, someone told me there's no such thing as loyalty to company anymore. Because the company will not be loyal to you anyway. True true. Companies only care about their profit margins at the end of the year and in my case, it is the amount of funds brought in and how much limelight I propel my directors into; never mind that they are claiming credit for my work and sweat. Till now, I have not seen any sign of appreciation of their part and I believe I have been 'loyal' enough.
I did some thinking during my long train rides across China and have drafted some sort of outline for my actions hereafter. Will sort them out before I post them online for all to comment(criticise).
So before that, some photos for you all in the meanwhile...
Monday, June 13, 2005
Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"
Turquoise
You have turquoise eyes. Turquoise is the color of communication. Your eyes symbolize your intuitive nature. You can be over-analytical sometimes, possibly fussy and egocentric. You have the tendency to push your heart out of the way and let logic make your decisions. You are not shy, but you can be secretive, closed, confused about what you want, and maybe a bit sneaky and paranoid at times. Some words to describe you: cool, refreshing, imaginative, motivated, dynamitic, calm, peaceful, joyful, relaxed, truthful, healing, meditation, tranquility, forgiving, patient, sleepy, and day-dreamer.
It is interesting to note how online quizzes and tests are making their rounds once it appears on someone's blog ONCE, not to mention the exchanges going on discreetly and unassumingly. Wahahaha...
I thought this particular quiz was quite accurate, never mind that it was written unscientifically by someone untrained. So I am both sneaky and truthful... Haha. What do you make of that?
Turquoise
You have turquoise eyes. Turquoise is the color of communication. Your eyes symbolize your intuitive nature. You can be over-analytical sometimes, possibly fussy and egocentric. You have the tendency to push your heart out of the way and let logic make your decisions. You are not shy, but you can be secretive, closed, confused about what you want, and maybe a bit sneaky and paranoid at times. Some words to describe you: cool, refreshing, imaginative, motivated, dynamitic, calm, peaceful, joyful, relaxed, truthful, healing, meditation, tranquility, forgiving, patient, sleepy, and day-dreamer.
It is interesting to note how online quizzes and tests are making their rounds once it appears on someone's blog ONCE, not to mention the exchanges going on discreetly and unassumingly. Wahahaha...
I thought this particular quiz was quite accurate, never mind that it was written unscientifically by someone untrained. So I am both sneaky and truthful... Haha. What do you make of that?
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I am doing this because A tagged me to do so. For the life of moi I cannot recall any other friends who likes reading; ok maybe one or two...
Here's the Literari Baton/Bacon
1) Total Number of Books You Own:
Not including my school texts (which I still keep) I think I have about 12 boxes. Yep, 12.
2) The Last Book You've Bought:
Haha, just bought one yesterday, 'The Marriage Bed', by Regina McBride. Cost me $16.75 from TIMES.
3) The Last Book You've Read:
Well, there are a couple of unfinished ones: for work 'Building fundraising programs to attract community support' and '1421'; and I finished 'The five people you meet in Heaven' a few months ago.
4) Five Books That Mean A Lot to Me:
1. Bible (although I have stopped reading it a long time ago; cannot answer why it still means anything)
2. Citizen Girl; by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus. (Actually the story sucks but someone who means alot to me wrote a message inside for me)
3. Perfume; by Patrick Suskind (a real piece of literary and creativity gem)
4.
5.
5) Tag Five People And Have Them Fill This Out On Their Blogs:
1. Shups! (you still drop in here?)
2. Long-ge (croak croak)
3. Huat (you read??!)
4.
5.
I do not know anyone else who reads and blogs for spot 4 and 5. Hee.
Here's the Literari Baton/Bacon
1) Total Number of Books You Own:
Not including my school texts (which I still keep) I think I have about 12 boxes. Yep, 12.
2) The Last Book You've Bought:
Haha, just bought one yesterday, 'The Marriage Bed', by Regina McBride. Cost me $16.75 from TIMES.
3) The Last Book You've Read:
Well, there are a couple of unfinished ones: for work 'Building fundraising programs to attract community support' and '1421'; and I finished 'The five people you meet in Heaven' a few months ago.
4) Five Books That Mean A Lot to Me:
1. Bible (although I have stopped reading it a long time ago; cannot answer why it still means anything)
2. Citizen Girl; by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus. (Actually the story sucks but someone who means alot to me wrote a message inside for me)
3. Perfume; by Patrick Suskind (a real piece of literary and creativity gem)
4.
5.
5) Tag Five People And Have Them Fill This Out On Their Blogs:
1. Shups! (you still drop in here?)
2. Long-ge (croak croak)
3. Huat (you read??!)
4.
5.
I do not know anyone else who reads and blogs for spot 4 and 5. Hee.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Take the quiz: "Which Greek god/goddess are you?"
Zeus
You are Zeus! Zeus was the supreme deity, King of the Gods.His wife was Hera, goddess of marriage, but he had hundreds of children with other women, mortal and immortal.He was made king of the gods when he rescued his siblings from there father Cronus who had consumed them as soon as there mother, Rhea, had given birth to them.But Rhea had hidden Zeus away until he could defeat his father.
Does this mean I have a streak of masculinity in me?
Take the quiz: "What type of Fairy are you?! The good or bad!?(pics)"
WaTeR fAiRy
You are a Water Fairy! You love doing good and sometimes you get depressed. Your friends always expect you to be happy and when your not they kind of desert you. Choose the ones who you trust wisely.
This is really telling. Haha...
Zeus
You are Zeus! Zeus was the supreme deity, King of the Gods.His wife was Hera, goddess of marriage, but he had hundreds of children with other women, mortal and immortal.He was made king of the gods when he rescued his siblings from there father Cronus who had consumed them as soon as there mother, Rhea, had given birth to them.But Rhea had hidden Zeus away until he could defeat his father.
Does this mean I have a streak of masculinity in me?
Take the quiz: "What type of Fairy are you?! The good or bad!?(pics)"
WaTeR fAiRy
You are a Water Fairy! You love doing good and sometimes you get depressed. Your friends always expect you to be happy and when your not they kind of desert you. Choose the ones who you trust wisely.
This is really telling. Haha...
Take the quiz: "What Star Wars Character Are You?"
Padme Amidala
Congratulations. You are Padme Amidala, the beautiful young senator from Naboo. You were commited to civic duty from a young age and believe in democracy for all.
Well, interestingly I also scored the same results for the following:
Count Dooku
Darth Vader
Qui-Gon Jinn
Jar Jar Binks
Admiral Ackbar
Now you know I am one complexed gal. So don't even bother trying to decipher me. Just accept me as I am.
Padme Amidala
Congratulations. You are Padme Amidala, the beautiful young senator from Naboo. You were commited to civic duty from a young age and believe in democracy for all.
Well, interestingly I also scored the same results for the following:
Count Dooku
Darth Vader
Qui-Gon Jinn
Jar Jar Binks
Admiral Ackbar
Now you know I am one complexed gal. So don't even bother trying to decipher me. Just accept me as I am.
I am writing to clarify some points here:
1) I like my job. Very much. It is the people I am working with and for that I do not like.
2) My job is not exactly the antagonist in my life. I am upset or stressed not so much because of work or even the people at work.
3) Maybe I am asking too much from others; but most times friends and family are what really get me down.
4) I guess I am too much of a perfectionist and idealist when it comes to how I would like my life and people in it to be.
I do have some plans that I am considering and working on for my career. So it is not exactly the doldrum that I am in now. Rather, due to internal or external factors, I feel more let down by friends and family. Friends mean alot to me. They are what keep me sane. But it is not judgement I am looking for from them. Not necessarily understanding either in my actions. But a respect for my choices. I do not tell you how to live your life or judge you on what you did. Why are you upset with me because I prefer to stick by my choices and decisions? Are you upset with what I did or who I am? Can you just stand by me and be my friend?
In any case, I do admit perhaps I am looking for self-assurances in the wrong places and expecting it from the wrong people. Perhaps I only need answer to myself then I will feel better and less judged and scrutinised.
1) I like my job. Very much. It is the people I am working with and for that I do not like.
2) My job is not exactly the antagonist in my life. I am upset or stressed not so much because of work or even the people at work.
3) Maybe I am asking too much from others; but most times friends and family are what really get me down.
4) I guess I am too much of a perfectionist and idealist when it comes to how I would like my life and people in it to be.
I do have some plans that I am considering and working on for my career. So it is not exactly the doldrum that I am in now. Rather, due to internal or external factors, I feel more let down by friends and family. Friends mean alot to me. They are what keep me sane. But it is not judgement I am looking for from them. Not necessarily understanding either in my actions. But a respect for my choices. I do not tell you how to live your life or judge you on what you did. Why are you upset with me because I prefer to stick by my choices and decisions? Are you upset with what I did or who I am? Can you just stand by me and be my friend?
In any case, I do admit perhaps I am looking for self-assurances in the wrong places and expecting it from the wrong people. Perhaps I only need answer to myself then I will feel better and less judged and scrutinised.
Your Birthdate: January 21 |
Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about. You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs. |
Monday, May 16, 2005
Perhaps the best thing doing all these online quizzes and tests and then publishing them on one's blog is having someone (or thing) compile the analyses that make you who you are to your friends to help them understand you better so they can accommodate and accept the things you do and the decisions you make.
Then again, you need friends in the first place to read them and be willing to accept you as you are.
It is beginning to seem like the friends you used to hold closest and dearest to may not be able to withstand the erosion of time and work. What more distance?
Or perhaps at the end of the day it is just me...
Whatever the case, the time has come to let go of many things; I will no longer bother myself with looking for someone special, or trying to make time for friends. Because frequently I feel I am the only one bothered. Maybe one really does not need that many friends, if any at all.
Then again, you need friends in the first place to read them and be willing to accept you as you are.
It is beginning to seem like the friends you used to hold closest and dearest to may not be able to withstand the erosion of time and work. What more distance?
Or perhaps at the end of the day it is just me...
Whatever the case, the time has come to let go of many things; I will no longer bother myself with looking for someone special, or trying to make time for friends. Because frequently I feel I am the only one bothered. Maybe one really does not need that many friends, if any at all.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I am really done at work. After this Sunday's event, I will get ready to pack up and leave. You will not be able to imagine the number of arrows I have been getting from the higher management, simply because A) they secretly disagree with one another; B) they forgot their own decisions/instructions; and C) they decisions/instructions/results were not well received by the rest and so they pretend it had nothing to do with them.
So what happens? I bear the brunt of course. Getting the blame from all over and having to explain myself endlessly repeatedly, and still having to concede it was all my fault. What bull is this?
I am very tired of being the scapegoat around the place. Why should I be the sacrificial lamb in their tussles amongst one another. If I wanted to be involved, believe me I will stand up as a member, not as a staff.
Pray I never join as member and return to haunt those cowards and pretenders.
So what happens? I bear the brunt of course. Getting the blame from all over and having to explain myself endlessly repeatedly, and still having to concede it was all my fault. What bull is this?
I am very tired of being the scapegoat around the place. Why should I be the sacrificial lamb in their tussles amongst one another. If I wanted to be involved, believe me I will stand up as a member, not as a staff.
Pray I never join as member and return to haunt those cowards and pretenders.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
| INFP - the Healer You scored 45% I to E, 21% N to S, 47% F to T, and 52% J to P! |
| You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type. As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFP |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid |
